Notes

If I'm honest to myself, I see no future, and no answer for any of the problems in your life. When you have depression, nothing is enjoyable. Nothing can make you smile. It feels like you’re a ghost ... not a part of the real world. It’s like drowning ... except you can see everyone around you breathing. It is a dark, inescapable place. It’s like being locked in a room with no light, windows or door. It’s so dark you can’t even see your hands in front of your face let alone find a way out. Depression is the inability to construct or envision a future.
Slipping into this feels like falling down a dark bottomless shaft, wondering if and when your fall will ever be caught. And as you look back to where you fell fromwhich is where you know you need to get back to—you can see it receding further into the distance, the proverbial light becoming dimmer and dimmer, while the shaft into which you are falling becomes deeper, darker, and all the more enveloping. Depression to me is like having your mind replaced by another one that makes me feel worthless and numb to life—even to my own family. It deprives me of feeling anything other than a sense of perpetual sadness, never quite knowing the source of it but knowing that feeling well. Its stolen my confidence and now I no longer feel I am worthy of anyone’s love. It calls me names and makes me have awful thoughts, and there have been times when depression has won and I’ve taken an overdose. It’s like being stuck in a box that you can’t get out of—a very dark place where you feel so low that even simple tasks are difficult. You feel completely alone.