relationships can be used to return to oneness.the root of this physical urge is a spiritual one: the longing for an end of duality, a return to the state of wholeness, But sometimes you can use anything to cover up pain like food or alchchol or your a person. but none of these cause any pain or unhappiness, They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you,Avoidance of relationships in an attempt to avoid pain is not the answer either. But if you could bring intense presence into your aloneness, that would work for you too.. relationship or not you need to access the now. the now is the key no matter what you are in .being present and intensifying your presence. Love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective. It does not make one person special. However the intensity with which true love is felt can vary. There may be one person who reflects your love back to you more clearly and more intensely than others, and if that person feels the same towards you, it can be said that you are in a love relationship with him or her, the bond that connects you with that person is the same bond that connects you with the person sitting next to you on a bus or with a bird, or a tree, a flower. Only the degree of intensity with which it is felt differs. You can use relationships and other things as an opportunity, every crisis represents not only danger but also an opportunity. Relationships energize and magnify egoic mind patterns, and activate the pain body why not accept this fact rather than try to escape from it? Why not cooperate with it instead of avoiding relationships. the opportunity that is concealed within every crisis does not manifest until all the facts of any given situation are acknowledged and fully accepted. When you know you are not at peace. your knowing creates a still space that surrounds your nonpeace in a loving and tender embrace. All you can do is create a space for transformation to happen for grace and love to enter. What was unconscious is being brought up to the light. It is an opportunity for salvation, every moment, Hold that knowing of that moment. Particularly. of your inner state If there is anger, Know that there is anger, If there is jealousy, defensiveness, the urge to argue the need to be right, an inner child demanding love and attention.or emotional pain of any kind - whatever it is, know the reality of that moment and hold the knowing. The relationship then becomes your sadhana- your spiritual practice. If you Observe unconscious behavior in your partner, Hold it in the loving embrance of your knowing so that you wont react. Unconsciousness and knowing cannot coexist for long, If you continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy then the relationship will offer you salvation.If you are very present you can express what you want to express without ego involvment like without blaming, accusing, or making the other wrong. When your partner behaves unconsciously, relinquish all judgement. To relinquish judgement does not mean that you do not recognize dysfunction and unconsciousness when you see it. It means being the knowing rather than being the reaction and the judge. Instead of fighting the darkness, you bring it in the light. Instead of reacting to delusion, you see the delusion yet at the same time you look through it. Being the knowing creates a clear space of loving presence that allows all things and all people to be as they are. If you practice this, your partner cannot stay with you and remain unconscious. Learn to give expression to what you feel without blaming, Learn to listen to your partner in an open, nondefensive way. give your partner space for expressing himself or herself, Be present, accusing, defending, attacking, Giving space to others and to yourself is vital. Love cannot flourish without it. But Beware: some people who are unresponsive, withdrawn, insensitive, or cut off from their feelings may think and try to convince others that they are enlightened, or at least that there is nothing wrong with them and everything wrong with their partner, Men tend to do that more than women, but if you can feel your emotions, you are not far from the radiant inner body just underneath, If there isnt an emanation of love and joy, complete Presence and openess towards all beings then it is not enlightenment. Another indicator is how a person behaves in difficult or challenging situations or when things go wrong. If you enlightenment is egoic self - delusion, then life will soon give you a challenge that will bring out your unconsciousness in whatever form- As fear, anger, defensiveness, judgement, Depression, and so on, The knowing, the silent witness, the watcher, this awareness does not deny the pain and yet is beyond it. It allows the pain to be and yet transmutes it at the same time. But the other person might even leave the relationship like the light is too painful for someone who wants to remain in the darkness. Know that it is the pain body at the same time be the knowing that is to say be aware of your conscious presence and feel its power. It is perfectly possible for an enlightened person if the need for the male or female polarity is not met to feel a sense of lack or incompleteness on the outer level of his or er being, yet at the same time be totally complete fulfilled and at peace within. All you really need to do is accept this moment fully.
