Notes

And you see, we can take it slow because we both agreed on it. I'm sorry if I'm somehow contradicting back there but I never mean it. I've learnt from my past relationships too so I'm taking things like this even serious than before. It'll take me months to know u really really well. When you said you need to think about this relationship, I wasn't hoping for answers like we'll go straight into one. No, that's not what I want too. We can take as long as we want. You'll understand this eventually because it'll take time for the both of us to adapt a little and this isn't a bad thing at all.

When I say I understand you I really mean it. I understand it to the point where you, of course, did not choose to live a life like this. It'll be a long term thing as long as there are communications made to understand. A relationship is definitely more than these. We all will have our own problems of course but all we have to do is just talk it out. Have a serious conversation of what we really want. And honestly, the only thing I want for you is reassurance and that's it. I just want to know that you're still about me. I don't really need anything else I just like reassurance. I just like someone who shows that i'm important but are still able to do their own thing with their own friends because eventually, I'll do the same too so you see, it's all down to communications, to how we expect each other to understand. And hey, you don't have to hate yourself because of how you're now... because it really doesn't matter that much. What's important now is that you understand that this isn't the kind of life you want, so you will make changes to it step by step bit by bit. One at a time, do it at your own pace.

What you need to do now is to stop thinking all these bad things that MIGHT happen. You need to put down on these thinking that you will bring a tremendous impact to everyone who enters your life. Why don't you start thinking on the good things that'll happen instead? NOT EVERYTHING is bad about you please... there are good sides about you there are really good qualities about you but it's all overshadowed by the bad things you think that'll happen... It hurts me too to see u thinking of these because these are all the result of ur past and the things u did and gone through. You don't make me give up on anything just yet and you instead make me believe in things. You shouldn't even be feeling guilty for what I had done for you. I've said it lots of time that I did it for good, for all of us. Things are already getting better as far as I know of so you don't really really have to be guilty. You should be happy instead.


The fear to love and have a relationship is applicable to all of us who had past relationships before. We have all lost ourselves in a relationship. How much we hated ourselves for starting one because we ended up getting hurt even more... how much we swore to never have a relationship again because things are reallly so fucked up that we can't bring ourselves to accept it. Like I said not all relationships are perfect it definitely has flaws and things we need to overcome as both. This is the point where you'll start to get more understanding and it'll shape you as a better person. Not everything will go your way in life, sometimes you just need to accept and learn from it, and do things for the better. The part where you think that you only bring unhappiness to people around you, please don't. I'm sure there are good things you've done to others and you made them feel really really good with it, it's just that no one has ever told you these so you kind of never feel any form of appreciation from them. I felt happy when I'm with you, you never bring unhappiness to me. Even if there is, it really isn't the kind of unhappiness that will last and hurt you like hell. You're not like this at all. I'm so sorry I scared you hahahahaa I didn't mean it when I said it I just want to kinda give you the insight of what I think about you. It take me months to understand one another too okayy

I know you're overwhelmed by thoughts on your mind now so I don't blame you for not being able to take in anything. You definitely need time for these things because you said it yourself that you cared for anyone else more than you. But why are you even doing this? Put you yourself as the priority because no one will care for you the way you care for them. No one will ever realized that you're struggling with urself despite trying hard to accomodate to everyone to make them feel better... who's going to make u feel better then?

Jes, you've never hurt me. I really can't think of any moment where you really went on and hurt me without u knowing... Instead it hurts me that the fact that you kept these things to yourself. Hurts me the fact that you cared for others people more than urself. And look, the things I've done for you I only did it for the sake of everyone I cared of so don't even feel guilty about it.

Please don't feel any guilt when it comes to our relationship. You did nothing wrong and I'm grateful for these things that you've told me because I really need to know what's on your mind. A relationship is only complete if we are both working together to keep it going and understanding what each other really want. I'm really saddened from the things that had happened in your life that you've reached this point in your life where you think everything is falling apart... What you need now is just something or someone to make you start believing again so these bad thoughts can be wiped away as time goes on.

I don't mean to guilt trip you because I myself know that you're more than these.. you're capable of things you didn't know. I'm only helping you on the outside, you're still the only one who will be fighting against these demons inside you. All I wanted to do now is just to make you start believing in u again that you deserve good things too.

With these on your mind, I know you want to get rid of it as much as I do. This is indeed your worst side and it hurts me much to see you struggling with these.... I understand it very clear that you don't want any of these to happen.... these are all terrible thoughts and I don't really want you to go through this alone...