Notes

If I could have everyone’s attention, please? I promise not to take too long, because I know everyone’s thirsty and there are a lot of people who want to salute our happy couple today.

I'd like to start by saying that my wife Pat has proofread this speech, so if you consider any of the material inappropriate, it's her fault.

I read somewhere that a best man speech shouldn’t take any longer than it takes the groom to make love. So ladies and gentlemen – I give you Mr and Mrs Graham.... (Take drink and sit down).

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Alex and for those of you that do … well I apologise. My full name is actually "Alex would-you-like-a-drink’ For those of you who I chat to in the bar later, I’d appreciate it if you could use my full name.

You know, it’s been said that being asked to be best man is like being asked to make love to Camilla Parker Bowles.. It’s a great honour but you don’t really want to do it!

Now I know what you’re all thinking, doesn’t the groom look great in his suit! I would like to comment that this is down to his fitness regime which includes him doing at least 50 push-ups a day for the last three months. But I should mention that none of them have actually been intentional – he's just been collapsing a lot from all the nerves and stress.


Speaking of Celia, I would like to say how beautiful she looks today in that fantastic dress … When these two first met... they were both adament that they were never ever getting married again... What went wrong no-one knows. But I am sure they will both be very happy

Although Celia did actually tell me David has always brightened up her life. Well she actually said he never turned the lights off but it amounts to the same thing pretty much

Can I just say how wonderful the bridesmaids look, i am sure you agree they look lovely

I wish you both the David & Celia the best of luck - and a life together filled with health, happiness and joy. Congratulations,...... ladies and gentlemen David & Celia The Bride & Groom!