Notes

I'm 16 years old and on accutane I'm very active but accutane messes with a lot of my mood and how I feel physically and emotionally. I've had very bad acne ever since a started football about 2 years ago and I would try everything (alcohol pads, washing my face after, diet) now 3 and a half months in my face is almost clear. I play football and lift weights in the same day almost everyday. In practice when given the opportunity for a big hit I don't do it because I'm not mean enough or I'm scared but the thought of being in a game setting and trying to tackle a guy 7 yards in front of you (like directly in front, not at an angle). (I'm a safety btw). But no matter what anyone says to me or what I read online to try to get over my fear I guess it never helps. All my coaches basically think I'm like a lost cause when it comes to scout defense vs offense bc I never make tackles. We do tackling drills (like angles and stuff) which I do good at but it never translates into the more game aspect part of the game. But having my coaches with that sort of mentality with me truly hurts me bc I know I put in more work than anyone on our whole team and I can never get results or be as jacked as the runningbacks or tights ends when I put in more work then them and i eat the same amount. My back spasms have came back from last season and when I try to jam a reciever my right shoulder dislocates for a second then goes back into place and it hurts like a mf. I read online that accutane also can cause slow degeneration of the hipocampus and I imagine if you mix that and football it is a bad combination. The past couple of months the the off season first started i had memory problems or I couldnt think of what I was going to say which is very scary too. One last thing on the whole tackling thing, this is mostly running the ball right up the gut where I have to basically stop them from getting a touchdown and I know if I try most of the time I'm gonna get pancaked by 250 lb genetic freak offensive linemen and if I try to rip under their block they'll just head butt me. One last thing: I'm a junior and weight 162 but my neck is long to a point where it makes my head a big target and makes me look skinny.