Notes

My parents try helping me but there's nothing much they can do. They went bankrupt 2 times, we went through foreclosure and was kicked out our house. Barely making enough money to scrape by and pay the rent/bills. They're busy working, and so was I.
My auntie who is the most successful graduated from UCLA and is currently still living in California. I didn't mention this but I was going through depression for a long time and during those absence if I wasn't on the streets involving in drugs and whatnot, I was at home holed up in my room either sleeping or on the web. I'm transferring to this school because y counselor in middle school who had high hopes for me heard that I was doing really bad in school, and so she invited me to transfer to her school but she did not expect me to stoop to a level that low. She looked really surprised and not really sure if she could help me anymore when I met with her. She just told me I had to work my ass off at school and when not in school I have to work hard on online classes to make up credits throughout the year since I only have 4 credits and you need 22 to graduate. The main reason she first thought to invite me was because I was extremely interested in computers in middle school. she wanted me to participate in the STEM programs/classes in her school that they provide.
I have tried in the past to pump myself up but whenever things seems dire or pointless, I just let go and give up. I want to be motivated but it's so hard. Hopefully this year will be different. I've been exercising and going on daily jogs trying to help give myself a positive mindset and build good habits but I'm worried whether or not they'll be enough.
I used to cut as a kid. Well I'm still a kid but I meant like when I was 9 to 13. I fit into the wrong crowd when I met my best friend who gave my comfort and warmth more than my family. We did bad shit. But it all seemed like nothing compared to the compassion he gave me.
But even through all that, deep inside everything in my mind I've always contemplated suicide. Like if I were to become a failure so low that I couldn't do anything, I would definitely end it all.
I used to think about it so much but luckily these past few years I've been better and not thinking about suicide as much.
But anyways no. Not really. About everyone in my circle is too busy partying or on the streets and not doing well in school. Most of them don't plan on going anywhere after high school.
I don't have any close friends that are successful.