Notes

lets just say i like writing well typing about my life. does anyone know the answer to 'whats life' ? i want that answer i feel like my life is just a sad song. ready to be sang and understood by someone but hey things you want don't happen so often and its much more easier staying quite than talking about your feelings. i know people have been through worse then me and my sisters have but i cant describe the pain we all lived under still do. id love to go back in time and warn my parents what they're going to go through. but that may never happen. and i will always have the pain inside me. no one will ever understand me. sometimes i just think to myself and say i'm not worth being here. but they're is a reason i'm here for but i don't know for what yet. there's a reminder drawn in my arms that i see everyday of how weak i am . i'm ashamed of showing my arms. there's a story behind every scar marked in my arm. i wouldn't have enough time to say all. what's love when the one man i depended on to show me what love is failed. id never ask for anything but take back my mistakes and try making everyone happy. ti make myself happy for once and not think i'm a fool. no one will ever know this feeling and pressure i live and wake up to every morning. any one i ever depended on has failed me in everything and i cant have anyone stand by my side without being judged my a mistake i do. iv'e lost people friends and this might not matter because everyone loses people but it sucks not having someone there once you lose someone and know you'll never see them again. and sometimes i just feel my dad is sooo close to that moment. and the more i think of it the more closer it gets to me......