Notes

Over the years of having friends, both gaining and losing them, I have learnt the characteristics of what a good friend is, and what both good and bad and people are like. With people though, you aren't just necessarily either good or bad because there are a lot of grey areas, and how you define the person isn't for the individual traits that they posses but just the majority. I completely disagree with this method and I believe that you can totally get caught up in the image of somebody and so that is why you'll often find me being friends or associating with the "wrong people" or people that aren't either popular or someone who is "normal." I think that shit is boring and therefore surround myself with various personalities which I'm probably over compensating for, but that's another day's sub-long tweet. However I'm here to address one thing which I have been asked many a time with the variations of, "why aren't you friends with Harmony-..." etc. And that is because I don't associate myself with toxic people. I believe after three years of a friendship, it has essentially plummeted in a way that although we had our major highs, we also had our drastic lows which would both drain myself and probably her too. Now, without speaking on anyone else's behalf, I knew she wasn't good news. But I believe that's probably attracted me within this friendship and made it so deep. I went through A LOT with her varying from self-harm to close people's death but after a while of seeing the reaction of how she would treat me in certain situations I soon realised that I could no longer continue. The small behaviour which was border-line psychotic began to slowly deepen and the frequency within her moodswings made you aware that you could not go near hear because "you were a dick/annoying" (said to numerous people)which from various other whitnesses has been totally irrational and unpredictible. But without going into actual anecdotes which would be totally rude on both behalfs, I would like to say that lies have been said about me and through the three years of mental torture, I snapped. Although I've tried to pull away for the last - let's just say year and a half - I can finally say that I have a weight off of my shoulders because now I no longer of having the anxiety of seeing her name pop up on snapchat, saying she was "typing" - which would most likely be pulling me apart/correcting me for something I posted on my story or the fear of her irregular annoyance would just be thrown in your face. And that isn't actually telling you what went on, is it? That's just the tip of the ice-burg because although it won't be returned, I have the respect of her privacy and I know it wouldn't be fair if all of her friends(?) left at once. Essentially, what this essay is saying is, I have self-respect to not be friends with someone out of consistent guilt which would actually make me ill and that is all everyone who has been asking, needs to know! No friendship is worth the damage I faced and y'all gotta put yourself first, regardles. Anyway babies, I'm off to sleep! Byeee xo