Notes

659am
why do I feel like everything in my body is going against me? I...fell half asleep. sort of. I kept falling asleep and then getting itchy while listening to music because I forgot to turn my headphones off. so i essentially stayed up but not much really. after it turned 6, I gave up on sleeping and started getting into my school mindset/mask. and I felt...off in every way. I felt an foreign pull from something in my chest, somehow wasn't soul but something adjacent and my body also felt very exhausted all of the sudden, like my body was telling me it desperately wanted to rest. but I already told mom and talked to mom about school. so now I feel like every fiber in my body does not or cannot handle school. but I have to go, especially with it being Friday, it might seem even more suspiscious.(in the case of taking an skip to have an longer weekend) but that's not the case, I'm scared of staying home due to the possible thing of my parents not fully believing me about it. especially dad. he has just bluntly called me an liar without letting me explain myself first, so its in character for him to do it any time I take an day off from school. that's why I always fake being MORE sick than I am, because I cant really explain how I don't feel well, since the last couple of times, its been because of internal stuff manifesting physically and making me unable to go to school in their own ways ig...its going to be a while before I can talk to you again, and its not now, maybe not even today at all since last time. I'm sorry about that. do I say sorry too much? I feel like I ask that question a lot.