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Written entry because dad took my phone and computer. I feel horrible right now. I just gave dad the three assignments i got done and left for bed. I've been tossing and turning, thinking of his judgement, his anger, possibly. Im spiraling. I feel like every time I thought about school or my parents, it would feel like my heart being pushed inwards from all directions, compressing. I can't stand it, but POM feels like i should be able to and this is right and im just being emotional and me and my body are taking things way out of porportions. i want to believe them. its easier, its less painful. short term. with my new strategies, maybe i can last compliant longer. but...this hurts too much to ignore. maybe, untill the end of the week, i can hold this pain back. every one of these thoughts hurts. i feel like crying. i feel weak for being emotional. how can i be less emotional? ugh....with the chest thing, it also feels like my voice and air is being taken from me. maybe thats an good sign. maybe i should stay quiet. its better when i dont talk when needed. it hurts a lot now. in conflict with compliance and soul now...i...ugh...
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