Notes

434amjune5thfriday
I felt like June 1st was yesterday. days are passing quickly. anyways, its been awhile since my last entry, lets fill in some holes. quickly, about yesterday's night, the whole night, I was in conflict with like, 5 different POMs, pulling me towards 4 different things. 1. to sleep 2. to do work 3. to not do work and 4. to just lay there, and let my body just be right there. I was stuck and didn't know what to do, so I just let myself black out when my body needed me to rest. also, I think I remember seeing santuary again somewhere in the day. I think I dozed off in biology and got an faint calling to the santuary, and I'm pretty sure there was something very new there. there were four podiums with 4 different colored orbs I think. that's all I remember from yesterday's night. now, onto today. from my earlier, 4th-5th Hour entry, I was....doing stuff. because I was actively dissociating through my entries, I don't remember much, but I do remember the fact my masks as very close to break in biology. now, currently, I had just woken up a while ago and have a lot to explain while I still remember most of it now. a while ago, during the 'new hours' of me going to bed(new hours = first 3 hours after my initial bedtime, including my bedtime), I somehow fell unconscious and was met with someone, I cant remember what they looked like at all, but they were pretty triggering for me. I remember them saying I was an good person, and them wanting me to repeat that with them, but I turned my head down and slightly away from the...entity, not saying a word. I was ashamed mostly, because I didn't say it. I didnt believe it, and I knew that and I showed them that. they replied with oh goodness and then tried to shove a bunch of small things, about the size of seeds, I couldn't really see them, into my mouth, I kind of gagged and spat them out instinctively, but I had felt they, just being in my mouth, had did something to me. something faint, luckily, but then they just shoved an slightly bigger nut in my mouth along with an bunch of smaller seeds. I was forced to eat most of them, since it was difficult to spit them out, and I felt weird, like taking some medication that makes you feels sleepy after taking it, and I felt things shift slowly inside myself and I cant remember from there. I just knew I felt different and I knew it had to do with whatever those seeds or whatever had in them or something, because after I came back to most of my senses, I refused any contact with any POM, not because I was mad at them or whatever, just because I felt reclusive and tsundere-ish an bit. they all knew something was wrong, but I refused to tell them, they knew I was scared of something, but they couldn't track the source somehow. then, they did the whole feelings thing and made me loosen up, that's when it hit me, I felt something breaking or breaking through something in my body and I was paralyzed. I curled up instantly and stuck there, going into basically spectator mode(Minecraft reference if you didn't know already) into my system and try to see what's going on, I think, briefly, I remember seeing some giant spell circle, then an butterfly(describing it with an AI because idk how in an good way...: This image features a beautiful butterfly with vibrant, iridescent blue and purple wings. The wings display a gradient of colors, with the blue blending into purple and black accents along the edges. The butterfly's body is slender and dark, and it has long, delicate antennae.) and also that seed, that was now deep inside me, was sprouting also, breaking out of some ground or something it was connected to or underneath also before blacking out. when I woke up for the second time, I was feeling really dizzy and disoriented, but I still stumbled to the bathroom and tried to collect my thoughts, since they were all over the place, like my head had exploded. then, back to bed, I felt this chilling feeling, paralyzing me once more, but not of pain this time, the chilling feeling, this time. I tfelt like it was inside coming outside in the form of ribbons again. the ribbons were big and thick this time, wrapping my chest and my right side of my body, and I fell asleep from the overwhelming chilling effect of the ribbons, then, now. I woke up and little bit dizzy, but I was able to shake it off as I went to the bathroom and back into my now dimly lit room. (dimly lit because it was 4 am something and is now, and natural sunlight from outside) now, my head also feels an bit hot, like its an flickering blaze, but mostly on my right side, I'm holding it back, although, its not really pressing right now, but I have an feeling something will happen maybe because of this or that seed...I feel uncomfortable talking about the seed right now, and I also forgot I think the first half of this entry already, so I'm really going to go now, bye.(end time: 513am)