Notes

Here is a full set of one student's UC essays that can show you how to highlight personality traits and growth and even the idea that you can make your responses somewhat conversational rather than feeling compelled to use large vocab words or overly formal sentence structures. Of course, the tone should reflect your personality so take these with a grain of salt rather than treating them as something that you must emulate.

Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes or contributed to group efforts over time.



Water polo is my favorite sport, and I treat my teammates like family. I have developed strong bonds of trust and friendship with each and every one of them, building a mutual respect for one another. Being team captain and learning to lead my water polo team has been one of the most challenging experiences I’ve faced. Everyone on my team responds differently and learns differently. I've learned that trying to teach people skills exactly how I was taught doesn’t work for everyone, so I’ve learned how to explain things differently to different players, depending on how each player learns the sport. I’ve also learned to deliver constructive criticism. Instead of being blunt with what they did wrong, I started conversations with positive reinforcement, telling them what they did right first to build their confidence and then tell them what they need to work on. I’ve discovered that even more important than helping players with technical skills is building up their confidence because without confidence, they freeze and panic when they get the ball, making simple mistakes even if they should have the skills to handle the situation. Building their confidence leaves them more responsive to feedback, and in game situations, they can apply what they’ve learned more effectively. I’ve seen some players make major improvements in shooting and defense during practice, but the road to realization in stressful game situations was the hardest part. What I’ve also learned is that teaching others makes me a better player myself. The opportunity to be team captain has been one of the greatest learning experiences of my life outside of school. Hopefully my team members have learned a lot from me, just as I have improved my communication and motivation skills in ways that will help me for the rest of my life.



4. Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced.



In my sophomore year of high school, I wasn’t given a first period class, which sounds nice, but my ride to school was at 7:30am regardless, so getting to school early ended up being tedious. So, I did what any student would do - I took an AP physics course! The summer before, I had become very interested in physics and especially astrophysics. I became intrigued with these topics after watching the movie Interstellar and then read a couple of books about astrophysics just for fun. I came into AP Physics knowing it was a course mostly for juniors and seniors, but I convinced my counselor that I was prepared and even received a recommendation from my prior physics teacher, so suddenly I was a sophomore taking an AP course. The labs and topics were all so much fun. I was learning algebra-based physics and applying geometry and trigonometry to physics. I created strong friendships with the upperclassmen that I was studying with to the point where we were all checking each other’s answers and working as a team. Two years later, I still think about the information I learned in the class in my day to day life, whether it be driving or using any form of projectile while playing sports or the angle at which I should apply force while digging to set gopher traps. I came into the class with a craving for physics knowledge, and I gained so much more than I could have ever imagined, not just learning concepts that I can apply to my life but experiencing the fun of working on difficult problems with other motivated students.





6. Think about an academic subject that inspires you. Describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom.



My passion in life has always been rocks. I’ve collected a multitude of rocks and minerals since the age of ten, and I’ve read book after book on rocks. When I was in elementary school, I’d skip pages in the science book just to read ahead about crystals, and in middle school I had a book of the elements that I read over and over again because rocks are made of elements. I visited rock shops, shopped at local festivals, and attended gem shows with my grandmother to marvel at unusual specimens and add to my collection. Recently, I furthered my interest by taking a college course over last summer on geology. There I learned how the Earth stays heated, how earthquakes happen, how volcanoes work and the rocks they make, and how different types of rocks are formed. While many students may find it hard to stay motivated in online classes, for me it was the opposite since it really became easy to lose track of time doing the course. I’d do reading after reading and then watch the teacher’s screencasts for any additional notes. It was so fun that I was usually two weeks ahead in the course in terms of reading and homework because I just wanted to learn it all. It was exciting to be able to understand where the rocks from my collection came from (I have over 150 rock specimens), their structure, their make-up, and their categorization. I learned how they came to be and how they can morph into mountains. I even went mining in September of this year for a precious stone called benitoite. I would sift the excavated dirt from the nearby mine for precious stones and carefully search for iridescent stones under a special blue light (which causes benitoite to glow) pursuing my dream and favorite hobby. Due to this class, I have realized that I want to major in geology because geology and the study of rocks and minerals always gets me excited.





8. Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you stand out as a strong candidate for admissions to the University of California?



If you want to build a work ethic, might I suggest starting a business. Freshman year, I started a business catching gophers for $20 per gopher. I knocked on door after door to get jobs. Eventually, loyal customers gave my name to others to the point where I no longer needed to knock on doors because the clients came to me. I couldn’t drive, so I’d end up getting up at 4 in the morning to walk and bike to my jobs before school. When summer came, I walked and biked through heat waves to grow my clientele. My sophomore year, I took advanced classes and joined varsity boys water polo. Even with this busy schedule, I kept waking up in the dark of night and biking in 30-40 degree weather to work before school started. The elements could not stop me from hustling and keeping my business alive. In March of 2020, a global pandemic shut down the world, but I continued to work. My high-quality services and personability led my customers to keep calling and new customers to keep coming. I’d finish online school then work the rest of the day, biking to every corner of San Bruno. When my bike broke in May, I just walked to my jobs, often walking 6 miles in the summer heat carrying all of my equipment. Luckily, in August of 2020, I received my driver's license and began driving to my jobs. By then, my reputation had stretched to Millbrae, South San Francisco, Daly City, Burlingame, and even San Francisco. I have built a business from the ground up, learned to bike while carrying a shovel in one hand, and worked through a pandemic while maintaining great grades. Let that reflect my motivation and work ethic as an incoming college applicant.