Notes

i hate myself so much. It needs to end. Maybe I just want your attention. why is a video game more important than me? That's really stupid for me to think that I am. scratch that, I now remember that I'm nothing, and that i don't deserve to be more important than anything. I know you don't care about me the way I do to you, but why won't you just say it? Why can't you just say that you hate me? I am nothing and deserve to be hated. You know I actually thought I switched to not caring, but here I am writing this. Pretending I'm talking to you. Apparently depression is just what I have, not biopar or anything fancy. Just the average depressed teen. Though, I am usually above average. Height, weight, grades, depressive thoughts, etc. But I'm never the best at something. Just Average or normal. Why can't you say you just fucking hate me as much as I hate myself. You called me perfect and sad that I'm your motivation. And that I'm worth more than you. Those are all lies, I know that know. You wouldn't ditch your motivation for a video game. You wouldn't abandon the person you think is perfect after she said she was lonely. You wouldn't even do that to a fucking person you find more fucking valuable than yourself. I just sent a cry for help in the group chat, but you're probably sleeping and glad that I don't bother you with my stupid issues. I'm so annoying, aren't I? Naomi won't wake up for my suicide texts. Nobody will. See, I'll put my phone on do not disturb mode at night with exceptions to contacts. So, when they call or text, then it will wake me up. Surprise! You're one of those people. There's four, my parents, bassoon teacher, and you. I just like you so much that I let you wake me up from blissful dreams just to look at your stupid texts. Texts that don't mean anything to you but mean the world to me.