Notes

It's getting so old. Feeling the same old shit over and over again. Having all the same things happening to me on repeat in the most different ways they possibly can. For some reason it has always been a series of blaming me for the things I cannot see I'm doing. Either that or I could possibly not be doing them at all. Over the course of my life I have loved and lost people, and have been told it's all my fault. Is it my fault? I mean... If I've heard it enough times, wouldn't it be? Shouldn't be? It hurts because no matter how I try to fix it, and no matter how hard I try to hold onto what I have, I tend to lose it. It all slips through the grip of my hand. It's like holding onto water. No matter how fucking hard you try to keep it in your palm, it will always find a way out. Whether it falls, or whether it evaporates away into nowhere.. I will always lose it. So if anyone wonders why I get so angry and aggressive about the topics involving my happiness... It's simply because I'm still trying to find what causes it... And for once, I'm trying to not allow anyone to stop me. I'm sorry, but I've waited too long for this. I'm done trying to be the doormat that they walk all over, or the lock that keeps them safe. I'm doing this for me, and this time... I don't give a damn.