Notes

Hey, if you haven't already, I think you should come clean to the girl you're engaged to. You need to be open and honest with yourself and her at some point. If you realise you've made mistakes and crossed boundaries then I think it's important to address that and anything that's happened to you in the past that you're still overcoming and look for ways you can grow as a person and develop yourself emotionally, intellectually and spiritually before committing your life to someone and getting married. I'm not saying that letting the cat out of the bag will have pretty consequences but it is the right thing to do and you'd be a more respectable man for it.

I understand you're a mallu who has to be with another mallu, you're a catholic so you've got to be with someone who shares your faith, you're driven so you've got to be with someone striving for goals as big as yours - someone who shares your culture, your religion and a similar work ethic and ambitions - and that a lot of
Indian parents/relatives want their kids to have a career that pays well and a solid family. However, I feel like you still need to work on your self control and take commitment more seriously before you pursue a relationship, likewise with me, from the recent conversation I had with you. I also think you're still healing from a loss in your life from a conversation before that and perhaps want to make him proud as well as your mother and other relatives and you want to set a good example for your younger sister.

However, before you go into a monogamous marriage, make sure it's for the right reasons and you can actually promise that person your loyalty 100%, if not, post-pone it and reflect on what you want and any changes you'll need to make. I honestly think if you actually want to be in a committed relationship that's authentic and real then you should tell her if you've crossed boundaries and hopefully receive an opportunity to rebuild that trust.