Notes

Depression, OCD, they keep coming back again from time to time
Hell no perhaps that might be my true self
Damn huh feeling estranged in reality
The conflict with ideal, my head hurts
Around the age of 10, socio-phobia developed in me
Right, that was when my mind was gradually polluted

At times I’m scared of myself too,
Self hated and thanks to the depression that takes over me
Allia Z is dead already (I;m dead)
Comparing my dead passion with others, it’s now a part of my daily life

On the first visit to psychiatric ward, my parents came up with me
We listened to the consultation together, my parents said they don’t truly understand me
I don’t understand myself well either, then who would understand?
Friend? Or you? Nobody knows me well

The doctor asks me
I answered without any hesitation that I have done

Habitual saying uh I don’t give a shit I don’t give a fuck
All those words uh those words are said to hide my weak self
Those days I wish I could erase
Right, that school day which I don’t remember very well
The day I confronted myself when I hid inside the toilet because I was scared of people

That time I, that time I
I thought success will make everything fine
But you see, but you see
As time goes by, I feel like I’m turning into a monster

I’ve exchanged my youth for success, and that monster demands for more wealth
At times it puts a collar on my neck to ruin and swallow me with greed
Some try to shut my mouth and say I should swallow both good and evil
I don’t want it they want me to leave this hill

shit shit I got it so stop it
I’m the root of all this so I’ll stop myself
If my misfortune is your happiness, I’ll happily stay unfortunate
If I’m the figure of hate, I’ll get on the guillotine

The things I’ve imaged about turns into reality
My childhood dreams are in front of my eyes
The night when I performed in front of 2 audience
Now Tokyo Dome is right in front my nose
My one and only life, I can easily live it passionately than any other
my fan my hommie my fam I hope you don’t worry because I’m really okay now damn

I’ve denied my nature many times
My address is idol and I won’t deny
The anguish that dug into my mind countless times
There’s no answer at the end of wandering

My pride which I thought I had given away has turned into self-respect
My fans, keep your head high with pride because who can do it like me uh

Seiko, Rolex, AX (hall) and Gymnastic (stadium)
The heads of thousands nodding to my hand gesture
Show me the money, it’s not that I couldn’t but I didn’t shit
Selling ourselves or not, you all say we couldn’t do it but we didn’t shit
The root of my creativity has tasted the sweet, bitter and shit of this world
Those days when I laid down to sleep on the toilet floor, it’s all memories now uh they’re now memories
My shoulder which shattered thanks to the accident I met during my part time job
The debut which I clung as if it was my life
Who do you think your fool by pretending you’ve gone through all the miseries

Seiko, Rolex, AX (hall) and Gymnastic (stadium)
The heads of thousands nodding to my hand gesture
Sorrow created me uh look at me closely uh
Selling ourselves or not you all say we couldn’t do it but we didn’t shit