Notes

My mom and dad not together anymore and no one has really told me anything about it. She usually takes it out on me verbally but not anything too bad just enough to make me feel like s failure. My dad works a lot and sees me when he can but doesn't really care sometimes, he also hides his phone from me. I wasn't supposed to see because she hid it from me but my mom texts two other guys from her high school about me and they ask why they didn't get to be with her cause they're better (she said ikr) and they ask how old I am and when I'm moving out of the house and try to converse about their own children. I already have a lot of other issues and problems I can't talk to anyone about and I am homeschooled and have no friends at all (not because I'm antisocial but because all of old friends stopped returning my several calls and texts so I felt like a bother) I feel like I'm just burdening them both and I hate myself so much for everything. I would die if either of them went further in breaking up the little family I have left. They don't believe in depression and think it makes people weak and that i just need to think positive and stop being moody and negative. I already want to die because of several things other things in my life and this is the last straw for me, I've held on for so long because of them and I don't even think they know. I can't talk to them because they will get mad, dismiss me, or feel it's a personal insult for me to be depressed (I tried before). I can never do anything right, I'm stupid, and I mess up everything. I show all the symptoms of depression but no one notices, I've just been called disrespectful when all I do is cry and try my best to make them happy and it's never enough. No one tries, you could google two of my symptoms and depression would come up as the top search. I love them so so much, I just have lost all hope for life and they don't know how far they are pushing me to the edge. I'm sorry for this paragraph being so long, I just wanted to rant as I have no one else to talk to. P.S. I'm 13. Sorry if its unreadable, I didn't proofread it.