Notes

here i am. Almost 1am in my bedroom.Alone.Red eyes.Listening to the saddest music i could find.i felt like writing some words to get off my chest. i don't really know what to say or what should i right i dont honestly think that anything i could write would express exactly the way i am feeling right now.In sort of way i feel empty.so empty.yet so full of emotions. I held my tears all day long. I knew my parents would notice if i break down then.I waited for them to fall asleep so i can releave what its inside me. But the thing is i dont feel any better. Billions of thoughts in my head. should i call now? i always tend to forgive and call back. but this is not about forgiveness. I am not angry. not anymore at least.I am dissapointed. I don't even know if thats the right way to describe it. how could he never call, does he even think about me? Right now i dont think so. I feel unwanted. what a great feeling! he made me wonder what i could possibly did wrong, i dont remember doing anything wrong, i am really trying as much as i can to make him happy but he didnt notice. I gave him all the love and attention that i could give. i am doing everything i can but it doesnt seem enough. I m not enough. I never was enough. He always wants something more. He puts the blame on me everytime.I'm never right, I'm always wrong, he's never wrong, he's always right. He has this way of making me feel like i am the most stupid person on the planet. "Bhima, Msatka, Matafhamch w la3omrek tafhem" All kind of insults. And other types of insults. I know he has a temper. I got it. It's just how he is. I totally understand stand. but he doesn't know how could his words hurts. And try me they hurt really bad. I never tell.I rarely complain. He would just say its my character. All what he thinks about is himself. I wonder if he ever knew he's saying or doing anything wrong. i wonder if he ever thought of apologizing for one reason or another. he is probably laughing now with bunch of his besfriend