Notes

Lonely nights in my room,
The only light is my phone,
I slowly nod to the tone,
Beat hits me right to the bone,
As people outside would deal,
I would just deal with alone,
I asked God for a price,
He said I would need a loan,
I ain’t got time for money,
Shit I got no time for time,
All I want in my room is fat beats, colors and rhymes,
But instead I got crack fiends, mother’s calling the nine,
One one, show up at 69 madison, my god.
Sister got severe depression and anxiety,
The other sister getting beat by insobriety,
And every time I try to speak up there’s a side of me,
Painting mental pictures poignant as pornography,
I keep my mouth shut because I can’t express through words,
Just what I can text or verse especially when I wreck and curse,
And I can’t explain to my parents why I love this culture,
I only rap when they’re not around to straight insult it,
They keep saying I’m just wasting my time,
That’s why I love it, only makes sense to my mind, and only mine,
And I stopped caring if you listen,
Won’t stop to stare and whistle,
32’s in the clip, I ain’t talking bout a pistol,


So what is fear?
So what is pain?
So what is damage in the brain?




The reaper sees me in Rem sleep, asks me if I’m ready,
Told him I’m taking my time, ain’t tryna be where death be,
He’s gonna need a sharper scythe if he wants to behead me,
For now I just grin grimly just to show him who’s deadly,
First years of my life, shrouded with epilepsy,
With seizures coming left and right, like jabs yo where’s the ref’ree?
2000 milligrams Zarontin just to keep me peppy,
I still remember the burning in my stomach it left me,
Bouts of indigestion from the pills the doctor gave me,
Severe aggression hardcore like little Fugazi,
Not to mention all the thoughts of sadness that would chase me,
I never was good enough little me, why don’t you face me?
Why is it every single time that I try to confront you,
You run away to a part of my mind I’d never run to?
You made me antisocial didn’t have no friends to come through,
I kept to myself so much I’m a walking conundrum,
Why’d you make me pass out on every roller coaster,
Why can’t you let me have fun the way a teen is supposed to?
Why am I so depressed but to everyone I’m a jokester?
Why can’t I be like the people I hang up on my posters?
And everyone of my idols tells me to dream it do it,
But they all say that shit like they forgot the screaming feud shit,
They drive to work in Lambos, they forget they dreamed in Buicks,
They do it for the fans and not because it’s therapeutic,
Everyone talks about how much their past has really screwed them,
But they don’t talk about the repercussions in their music,
Eminem is diagnosed with aspergers that’s new shit,
You would have never guessed that was the reason that he’d tune it,
Nobody ever talks about they way they feel when rapping,
They only talk about the shit they really want to happen,
When in reality they just give out a fake entrapment,
Maybe I’m talking too much shit, oh well I’ll end this bracket,
But let me just correct my thoughts I swear to god I’ve lost it,
I know there’s some lines in this song I know I might’ve crossed em,
But it’s too late for apologies in a world that tossed me,
So this my swan song, I’m praying that someone will call me,