Notes

Alright I need to apologize to you for my actions. I kind of need to open up to you too so you can understand why I am this way.
Lauren, throughout my relationships nobody has ever taken it seriously.
I've been cheated on twice, one of them were my best friends on who a previous ex cheated one me with.
I have never had anyone to show that they cared like you've shown me.
I loved every moment of it.
When things went south it was nothing but flashbacks.
Lauren I don't date. I haven't dated anyone in years due to the fact I'm always getting fucked over every time.
I noticed I do have a insecurity cloud that is hovering over my head.
Look you don't have to talk to me ever again I deserve it. I flipped the hell out on you over my own personal reasons.
Lauren when I take the time to get to notice someone I am serious about it. More serious than anyone you've probably talked to in your life.
I know I keep bringing up the scorpio part but it's 110% true. When we have feelings for someone we will act fucking mental if we start to sense something or isn't happy with something.

You are the person I took out all my anger on because if you hadn't known you're one of the closest people I got or had.
That's normally how it happens the ones that you care for the most get the shitty end of the deal just like the 30 day thing. I got the shitty end of the deal but I do not blame you. I would've probably acted the same damn way honestly.

I know you're probably fed up with me I know you're probably disappointed in me but everything I do there's a reason. If I act stupid there's a reason.
I called my mother on Lunch break and asked her for advice on the situation I told her what happened and I quote. "I could see why you're mad but you have to look at her perspective in life. Before I gave you advice earlier I hadn't known you two were talking for that amount of time. To go back to what I said earlier it's a 50/50 you two aren't dating but the amount of time that you two have been talking I could see why you were mad. I am not defending you nor am I defending her you both are at faults here to be honest the whole entire ordeal was unnecessary. From what you've told me Lauren is a decent woman, you shouldn't push away someone that cares about you. But Montel,the way you express some things may seem abit offensive to others so thoroughly think before you send a message or speak out loud and acknowledge the consequences that may come with those choice of words as well. You said before you wanted me to meet this lady and I would still like to meet this lady. Because I've been trying for over 18 years to get you to work on yourself & this lady has pushed you so that you are working on yourself. If I was you I would apologize regardless if you are in the right or in the wrong. Life is too short to be mad at each other over petty stuff but regardless if she accepts your apology or not, continue to work on yourself and things will get better I promise."

Lauren I would still like to take you on that date this weekend if you're still down. I'm sorry for my actions I said shit I didn't mean. I rubbed off on you the wrong way but damn my life has turned around 180 in the past 24 hours. I couldn't even eat today. I cannot function properly. My G-Mother is basically like another mother to me. When I got those news you were the first person I wanted to tell but I hadn't heard from you in close to 24 hours at that time. So i got beyond livid that it was almost 24 hours. I honestly didn't notice it at first until I got the news. Because I was letting you do you and I didn't want to ruin your getaway. But however the negativity overfilled the positivity which made me act like a complete moron. I didn't have a chance to get that bowl. Well I did have a chance but it slipped my mind because honestly I have more shit to worry about than getting a bowl back. All that was spiteful and just to be a dick. I do need that bowl back though because it's one of my mothers friends mothers that cooked a dish for my mother on christmas and she was meaning to return it but I got to it before she had the chance. So please keep a tab on that bowl.

I hope that you can forgive me, I'm truly a good person but Lauren. This has been one mother fucking journey I've been through in 2018 already.
You were there with me for the start of the year and I would prefer that you be there at the end of the year. But if you have hard feelings for me I understand and I respect your decision. Regardless I have much love for you. I cannot thank you enough for being there for me while I was sick during our time apart. Takes a whole lot out of someone to do that to a potential partner that isn't in the picture at that given moment. You still did it anyways. Hats off to you for that. Same with the gift/dinner.

Anyways I hope to hear back from you soon.
I will most likely not get any sleep today because my g-mother hasn't improved from yesterday.

Question I have.
God forbids this happens anytime soon but if a grandparent passes away do you get time off? Because when my Aunt (Blood aunt) passed away those fuckers wouldn't even give me a day off. Curtis had to bend the rule book just so that I could get off without getting any points.