Notes

Hi,
Just Wanted to express what I felt after the visit.
After Coming back from UK, the Day at Airport when you were leaving it was a "oye raju" moment for me and from inside I was feeling the same thing as shown in the song "Oye Raju Pyar na kariyo dariya, Dil tut jata hai".
For few days I was not able to accept that I am back, as I never wanted to. Even in the wishing well in London when I had thrown a coin, I only wished to extend our stay as I wanted to spend more time over there with you. But it is just how life works, have to move on. But I was still stuck in the same place and was not ready to move on.

Even when was back I never felt the same and was lost in another world. Even after few weeks my brother called me up and had asked me "Bhai kya hua, aaj kal kuch khoya khoya lagta hai. Pyar to nahi hua vaha jake?". At first, I didn't know what to reply, but as he is my brother he knew that something is going on within me and he understood that. So I had also admitted that "ha bhai", then he replied that "Ab kya karega?", then I said that "Everything will be all right in few days". But that was not the case.

Then we started continuing with office work and you know the rest what happened in the office and how weird I used to behave, which I never was before. But I liked that because I never got a chance to flirt with anyone, so I was very excited to explore that feeling. I used to flirt with you as you also know because you were ok with it and I was enjoying it.

I will not go into all the details, as I said before you know most of the things which had happened in office but wanted to highlight few things which you may not know.

I hope you remember once we had gone to the hospital to bring your brothers files and to meet Pallo in hospital after her delivery. That day I was with you for almost the whole day, I was already with you but still was thinking about you only and nothing else was in mine mind. After few days I wanted to test that what exactly is going on and still what extent I had gone ahead. So I took a day leave and planned to go for a movie and spend a day in R-City mall with wify. First we went there and started having food in Mainland China. I still remember the watery eyes I had while having lunch. Even Sadguna had asked me what happened as I think she was able to see the watery eyes. But I could not tell her that I am missing someone and I just said that I don't know why. Then we went for the Movie "Sairat". In that as well while watching the Movie I bursted out and tears were not ready to stop coming out of my eyes. Specially when the song "Sairat Zaala Ji" was played. I was missing you so much as I didn't know what to do and just was going with the flow. By evening I realized that when I was not with you still I used to think about you only.

So in a 24 hrs day I used to sleep for about 4-6 Hrs and used to miss you around 16-18 Hrs. So I thought that I am going very forward and had tried to stop myself for some days. Even you might have noticed that and had asked me "what happened, is everything fine?" and I had replied that "I am back to India mode". Which basically was because I felt that I had to sit back and think what am I doing. Till then I felt you already knew that I was attached to you. So I had asked you that "Is it ok if someone likes you" You said that "Whats an issue if someone likes me". But even you had made clear that there is no feelings from your side. Which after confirming for few times again I thought that If you don't have any feelings then I can again go ahead and could flirt with you as it would be just one sided and I was also enjoying it. So then again I started continuing it.

But after few days you said that the Watch was lost. I was not ready to accept that because as I know you, you are not a person who will be so careless to loose a watch. Then after few days you also stopped talking to me and replying me. I was like what happened, why, when, how? all questions started revolving around me. That time I always wanted to ping you, talk to you but you did not replied me and I was soo helpless that I could not do anything except crying. I had cried for many days but still it was the same and I had to accept it that have to move on in life. So one day I thought to just write to you and say that I am just as a friend and no feelings from my side, so pls talk. Even the matter which i told you about rakhi was during that time only. I was so earger to talk to you that at one point I thought that if there is no option to talk to you and if you are feeling unconfertable with me then you could tie me a rakhie and pls talk to me. But i didnt disclose the rakhi thing because I didnt knew how you would react if suddenly I would tell you to tie a rakhi and also I actually from heart didn't wanted that. So on that day I was just thinking how could I convince you or what should I say such that we can start talk again. I was thinking about all this thing while driving my bike at night, and suddenly I saw a car stopped in front of me and I was so lost in the thought that i didnt even put brakes and directly dashed that car. Hopefully didnt had any major injuries, but I didnt tell this about this incident to anyone as I didnt felt to tell anyone.

And next day I drafted text and had sent you the chat that I am just friend and I don't have any feelings, so you can talk to me. But still things were not as before. I could feel the difference and just continued with same, at alteast we had Hi and Bye's. But didnt knew after that I always used to get a negetive reply from you to whatever I had asked. Everyday when I had started going for morning walk I used to always think about you and was just thinking how could I talk to you. Once I had got a chance and had called you in the morning to talk about the tester opening as one of my friend was looking for internal switch. But still on that day you scolded me saying we can talk in office and don't call me ever after office hours. That day i was so hurt because you had told this in front of the whole team. and later on everthing i used to tell you or say anything always used to be public. that had really annoyed me but still I wanted to talk to you so just kept keeping in touch. But there was a point when even the dinner thing was spread, i was really pissed off and stopped everything and even contacting you.

There are many more things which I had to share but i think I can write a book on it. Already I might have bored you a lot and if you are reading till here then thanks for reading it, just wanted to put my heart out to share what I felt.

After Talking talking to you I can understand what you also felt, and the Issues which you had to face in office because of me. And thanks for taking me out of it. And also thanks for teaching me how to move on in Life which once I thought that I would never come out of it.

Really sorry and I apologies for all the issues which you had to face because of me. If I ever crossed any limit then really sorry for it.

There are 2 people in my life for whom my eyes still becomes wet when I see their photos. One was from college named as Amruta and Second one is you.

Again just wanted to thank you for ending it on a sweet note and I don't know if we will ever meet in future, but if we meet then we could be good friends at least.