Notes

The Love Tree

(The very beginning )

The reason I got so attached to you was that I felt rare sync. Usually, that is the fruit of the tree of love, but I honestly don't know if that's love by itself and I fear that fruit is from the next tree after the love tree.

Piano (Few months after we decided to become boyfriends)

I am learning how to love our way, but sometimes I think I won't make it. I feel like we're playing piano, yet we don't how to play it together, not because we're bad pianists or because we're not paying enough attention. The reason is we meet each other on notes that we usually touch them alone and our hands clash. And that creates a painful doubt in our hearts, and yet hurt, we still play it without hesitation.

Natural Enemies (When I went to Japan)

I’m not a Cat, I am like a dog, I make mistakes all the time, and if you shove it on my face I make a guilty face, cry, then I get normal again. Sometimes I bark and even bite you. I’m so scared to disappoint you that my only escape is to scare you away by causing fear. But my real fear is to hurt you by anyway.

You’re like a cat, and If I put on you on my lap, you always want to get out. If I insist, you put your paws off and scratch my hands. I call your name, and you look at me and don’t say anything, you have your own business, and I am not a part of it. Sometimes you play around with my flaws like a yarn ball. You spread the red yarn on the floor and look at me with no regret and ask; `Why do you care, isn’t it over?`I must say yes, but I should tell you honestly No, because every lash of yarn that you play with, my heart accelerate anxiously and bleed faster.

You often use enigmas and signs to guide me through this dubious path to love you. I can’t trust my eyes, just my emotional intelligence. Conventional logic doesn’t apply to our relationship, so I have to believe my heart. Evil does not lie in my heart, that’s my fortune of being a dog. Maybe that’s why you love me.

Do you realize how difficult is for a dog not scare a Cat?
Do you realize how difficult it is for a dog not hurt a Cat?
Do you realize how difficult is for a dog to love a Cat?

We don’t fit together naturally
We’re natural enemies, but I love you.
Do you think that is possible to make you like dogs eventually?

The Last Carnival

(Before the last day I went back home)

Carnival comes from the Latin expression:
Carnis Levale
which means “Abstinence from the flesh.”
They spend their time under the Devils sun to prepare for this party
People sacrifice their will for this one night, and they take it very seriously

I’ve spent 7 months trying to bring my Carnival to you
The good news is that my Carnival was for a whole month
I sacrificed everything to come here, and it was worth it
I am finally alive as a person, and hard work really pays off
The bad news is that I believe you won’t come again
I crossed the line, I made too many mistakes

Maybe you don’t know, but after the Carnival, there’s the Ash Wednesday.
The death of the party, the streets are empty, nobody works
A holiday that people separate themselves from others
To think about what they’ve done wrong
I don’t want to do you wrong, but I already did
I already pray for my sins and the Carnival is not even over
Ash Wednesday is going to hurt me so bad that I believe I won’t survive
Please have mercy on me

I already feel the time running out
It is unfair. I thought I still have plenty of fireworks and tricks to show you.
But the Carnival is ending, and I must do the final dance
I must not disappoint, I must not disappoint you again
Because I want to you to come again

Kaleidoscope (Today)

Unfortunately, my love, we couldn't make it. The grudge made you break my heart into a million pieces. To transform all that we had into something pointy into something that we couldn't either handle.

When I went to you with my body and soul, I was aware of your terms. I have a galaxy of feelings and moments in my hands now, all broken, but still here. I refuse to tailor our story as if you're the villain. I'll honor you. Even though there so little left. Even though that everything is in a million pieces, I've put all the good things into a tube. Your smell, your eyes, your smile, your kindness, your discipline and last but not least your grand love. Of broken pieces, I've made a beautiful kaleidoscope. So when I miss you, I can look through it and see you the way you deserve, as:
The first one who is kind.