Notes

Responding to what you said abt me.

Yeah, you’re right. i started off being attracted to you as well. being alone for quite a while, took me a lot of courage to start a new life with you. took me so many days and time to think if you’re really the one. and won’t hurt me like my previous one. the fact that at the start of our relationship, i was treated like shit. i was being left, ignored, forgotten by you. you’re so committed in feeding your ego. of course, i thought it was my fault. maybe i said something wrong that made you felt that way. it’s the start of our relationship, what do you expect? i apologised at everything even when i wasn’t even at fault. that’s because i was still learning about what kind of person are you. i really thought you’re different, special, one in a million. but all of that was during the start of our relationship. you did met a few guys when we were together and i cried in school. i fucking cried in school. my close friends were there for me. always. Iqbal, Syakir and John. They were there for me always. and guess what people. she took that away from me. i can simply say my bond with those friends of mine whom i consider like a bunch of brothers to me was broken. we were separated just because of her. i didn’t knew she was talking to them and i don’t blame them at all. i know my friends won’t do that to me. i trust them a lot. the 4 of us had been through a lot. we’ve laugh together, eat together, sleep together, get punished in school together, fought together, basically everything the kind of bond that we had. i’m pretty sure they didn’t turn their back on me. just because of her, they did. they left me. at that point of time. i was already happy with someone else. i moved on. i couldn’t be bother to be treated like shit over and over again. those effort i did. i don’t even get the same. furthermore, i was in another country with one of my bestfriend. when i found out they turned their back on me. i was broken. disheartened. depressed. i felt like the worst person on earth. at first of course i was mad. i misjudged them. i misunderstood them. i part my ways from them just because i assumed too much. i didn’t listen to their explanation and i just left them just because of her. if she thinks she went a tough life, look at mine. you took the only thing that made me happy in school. that made me wanna go school just to meet them. now everything is different i can sense a gap that has separated us from being this unbreakable bond. you took my friends away from me. let’s take a step back to the start of our relationship. 7 months. 7 months i endured of being treated like trash. have to keep on apologising at things i didn’t do wrong. had to sacrifice my time and effort just to know you’re okay. but it all comes to waste. you still treated me the same. when i had enough of you. i cheated. yes i did cheat on her because i can’t hold in the pain i had anymore. each and everyday, i wasn’t happy at all. even when i was feeling down. i went to school, my friends would always cheer me up and make my day better. but now they’re gone because of you. i made the decision to cheat. i know it’s the wrong decision but what do you expect. i can’t always be alone with suicidal thoughts. so yeah i cheat. i needed someone to always be there for me. yeah the other girl was always there for me. you wasn’t. you’re busy feeding your ego. waiting for me to apologise like always. well surprise surprise i had enough. at this moment, you woke up. i had to cheat, for you to realise that you’ve been treating me wrong. you wanted to leave because i cheated. i didn’t because i was still madly in love with you. i chased you back with all i can. left the girl that was there for me when i needed someone just to be with you again. so, we went back together and i can say. it’s the same cycle over and over again. at the start, i do see you changing yourself. tried to be better and didn’t fed your ego. you treated me well. and of course like how i always do, i treated you even much better. we were a loving couple after the cheating incident. but that wasn’t for long. you went back to your old ways after 2-3 months of us being a legit couple. i was back to being treated like crap. over and over again. this time, i didn’t apologise. i didn’t put in as much effort when i knew you at the start. because i know that you’re still the same. the change you made was temporary. then you’re back with your old ways. everything that i did. every effort that i made. i didn’t get the same. you just expect me to do everything to you. while you just sit back, relax and watch my pain. while i endured and show that i’m okay just to see you smile and happy being with me. after i really really really had enough. we agreed to take a break. and yes. i met someone else. again. i didn’t know that taking a break doesn’t mean a legit breakup. so i did what i had to. the new girl was hell a lot better. even after two weeks of me know her. she beats you with just that two weeks. after a while later, you found out abt it. and yes. you left. i didn’t stopped you this time because i know that you won’t ever change yourself. i had to let you go to find my happiness. rather than sacrificing my happiness just to please you. and during this period where you took my LIFE away from me. you came back crawling to me. you disturb my perfect life. you disturb my relationship. my friends. everything. and they can’t even stand you. that is why they left me. all of them left me. just because you’re crazy about me. why didn’t you act like that back then? why now when i had moved on to a better life you wanna come back crawling at me? after everyone left me. and you’re satisfied with the damage that you did. you had the courtesy to come back and talk to me. i hated you. i hate you for taking my life away. i wasn’t the same anymore. but you still wanna come back. it took me awhile to see your effort and your perseverance. and yes i gave you another chance. well you guys might guess it. it was all temporary. and then she’s back with being her old self. not thinking abt me but herself. i can say that i’m busy and i can’t always be there for her. but as an understanding girlfriend she should not let that be the source to feed her ego. now you know why i change so much. because i had enough of going through the same hurtful life over and over again with you. everything you said abt me was not even true. if you guys read it and still believes her. y’all have also fallen to her words like how my brothers did. i can talk back about what you said to me. every single thing you said abt me i can explain about why i did that. you said those bad things abt me but didn’t tell them why i did that? covering up i see. i will always win.