Notes

[Michelle and Greg are in the kitchen. Greg is reading the paper, while Michelle is fixing them some food]
Michelle: Greg, I guess there's no easy way to say this. But, uh, I've been thinking about it and I think it’s best we take a little time apart, you know, just to clear our heads. Just to see what else life has to offer for now or, I don’t know. We’ve been married for 7 years and together for 12. It’s just, you know….sometimes, it’s hard and I don’t want to....anyway, I think I’m going to stay with my sister for a little while.
Greg: What? Wait, what? Did you just break up with me?
Michelle: [deep sighing] Jesus, Greg, we’re not 13. I can’t exactly just break up with you and move on. I wish it were that simple. We’re married, remember?
Greg: Oh I’m not the one that needs remembering! What's this about? Is this a money thing? Babe, I know things are tight now, but things will be better soon.
Michelle [looking exasperated]: You think this is only about money? It isn't. Are you happy? Because I haven't been in some-
Greg: Happy? Of course I'm happy! I mean, I’m happy with you. I’m happy with us, with the kids. I’m happy with what we have. Besides, why do we need to be happy all of the time? That's bullshit. Isn't life about peaks and valleys? Being happy all the time is a bullshit millennial construct. "Oh you're not happy today? Here, take these 9 pills." Right? That's what the ads say? "Side effects may include anal explosion and-"
Michelle [interrupting]: Jerking off while watching infomercials every night is happiness to you? Really, Greg? Because that doesn’t sound like it to me.
Greg: What? I don’t.....what? I don't jerk off to infomercials. That doesn’t even make sense.
Michelle: I’ve seen you with my own eyes. You wait til it’s late and then jerk off to all those 1-900 “call me I’m a whore” commercials where they tell you to call them for $4.99 a minute or whatever. And I know you - you’re a cheap fuck, so you would never call anyway.
Greg: Ok, you said infomercials. Those are commercials. Totally different. Besides, babe, we're doing okay financially for now, right? Who recently paid for a trip to Bermuda?
Michelle: My mother. That was my mother’s gift to us, Greg.
Greg: BUT WHOSE IDEA WAS IT?!
Michelle: Anyway, I gotta go, I'm late for my hair appointment. We'll pick this up when I get back. Do you need anything?
Greg: Yeah, get me that tea tree oil shampoo that makes your scalp all tingly.
Michelle: From the store, Greg.
Greg: Fine, I'll get my own shampoo. The tea tree oil one that makes your scalp all tingly.