Notes

Waking up at nearly 2 am from a nightmare of you. you betrayed me, it didn't even seem like it was you. The voice, the face was you. It felt like it was actually you. Everything seemed fine. It was a nice sunny day. Everything seemed perfect. We weren't mad at eachother, we were not arguing. there was no feeling a grudge in sight. I felt so happy in the dream it felt as if i was actually smiling and i probably smiling outside of my dream. It was just you and i sitting and talking. I don't even know what we were talking about but we were talking and talking and we smiled, laughed, and hugged each other because we laughed so hard we kept each other from falling or maybe we just wanted to hug each other tightly and not let go. we sit there and enjoy each others company. this person comes over. I don't remember what he looks like. I remember he talked the way you don't like people talking. he dressed in ways you hope i never dressed. he did all of the things that you never liked that boys did. he said hi to you and you introduced me to him. you told me that you were moving on. In the dream we were not together and just best friends and we were both free to do anything we wanted. I was heartbroken. I didn't know how to feel because you switched so quickly. I didn't say anything to you. I wanted to wake up all i could do was cry. you walked away and i didnt know how to feel. I wanted to wake up but i only had these thoughts of suicide. I lost my soulmate to someone that i thought i would never lose to. someone her and i despised. I wanted to wake up. I couldn't wake up. everything reminded me of you. I didn't want to live any more. when i was able to wake up i couldn't move. I knew it was my sleep paralysis so i did not get scared. I was waiting for it to stop so i can be able to move again but nothing worked. then a person opened my closet door and came to the edge of my bed and my bed and strangled me and screamed at me. I've never seen this face before ever and i became scared that i could not go back to sleep. I decided to go on your instagram because i realized i had time to go on your instagram account because i didn't have time to ever since you gave it to me. I tried to login but you changed the password. I then was frustrated. I logged into my account and saw that you followed someone that reminded me of the person in my dream. I only thought why would she follow someone like that if she doesn't like people like him. I thought i had made the right connection in my head. I thought you moved on. I was so furious and crying so much. I did not stop crying until the sun came up and that is when i fell asleep with my phone on my neck and my light left on. I was supposed to go to an interview for my program today and my superiors were excited for me because no one as young as me or someone who joined so recently was able to be interviewed to be able to become a higher rank. I then have just woken up.

If you changed your password because you didn't want me seeing girls then that is ridiculous. It seems you still think i look at other girls in ways you don't want me to. I don't want to look at girls. If it was because i was being mean then you can't keep trust in me. I don't like bringing up the past but you make me. I never changed the password unless you told me you were done. I can't believe you did that. You didn't even bother to ask if i was done or ever even looked. If that person was someone you didn't know then why did you follow them for more than 2 days. If this wasn't what i expected why couldn't you just reassure me instead of yelling at me. that's what i did everytime i ever followed a girl even when it was family. you couldn't even say sorry yourself. I will say sorry when i see you apologize.