Notes

For the longest time i wanted to be able to believe. Just believe.
Blindly. Completely. Foolishly.
That if you want it bad enough, if you work hard enough, if you re passionate more than enough, you can make i anywhere. You can prove everyone who once told you your career would be meaningless, that what you do is not a job, it s a hobby, that you weren't gonna be able to feed yourself doing it. that you need a "normal" job,wrong. I would prove them wrong. And I tried. Oh boy did I try ...
I left a country full of posibilities, full of jobs waiting for someone like me to go and grab one. But i was foolish enough thinking I can make it happen home. I can be succesfull where I grew up, where my friends are, where my family is. I studied in Ireland, but every day spent there all I wanted was to go home for a few days, to have someone to talk to. Someone who wasn't a stranger in another country. Someone who got me.
I left Ireland on October 2017. I left full of hope, full of dreams. I had no doubt I would make it happen. I would find a photographer who i was going to work with and develop a portofolio. I was going to get hired at Sephora, and i would freelance in my spare time if i had any. I also started a business degree, i was gonna go frequently there also. I had all this plans in my head, everything was going to be great. I bet on myself. I took all my money and bet it all on me. I lost. It s the most devastating thing that ever happened to me. Why?
Because for a long time i had no faith and no hope, i started to believe in me again. I started thinking I m meant to do something great with my life, I believed i had something special, something that set me apart. I had something important. I had passion and love for what I chose to do with my life.
It all blew up in my face, when every single job offer was not related with my artistry, it was a desk job, or a waiter job, or any other meaningless job that would make me wanna kill myself every morning getting up.
When finally, a ray of light came through the cracks.. I was offered a teaching position , that was amazing , i just graduated college in make up and i was going to teach other girls my passion. I was tricked, and played, and lost other oportunities waiting for the courses to start. They never started. I was lost again when I found there was an opening at Sephora, my dream place, I spent hours on my cv, and a cover letter, I went in, left my cv and waited. It s been 3 weeks . They never called. I asked one of the girls who work there if the job was taken. She said they've had interviews over the last week. Once again I lost m hope. I lost my power,I lost faith in all of it.