Notes

Living in Fear
Bailey is different from most people. Bailey hates bailey. She can't stand her, she wants her to die. She looks in a mirror and can't even see who she really is. She can't believe what she's become. Bailey didn't always used to be like this, she used to be a normal 7th grade girl. She talked to her friends, had sleepovers, the usual stuff. She laughed, she was just.. happy. But on the inside of bailey was a person who would soon escape. A person no one who, not even her, had ever seen. A person so sad that it is almost painful to even look at.
Bailey used to had many friends, everyone was her friend because basically she was the nicest person in the school. If you dropped something, Bailey would pick it up. If you needed someone to talk to, Bailey was always right there with a shoulder to cry on. But then, Bailey went to a party one night. Of course, someone was dumb enough to bring beer. Bailey would usually never, ever drink alcohol. But she didn't want to be that one pussy that wouldn't do it. So, she drank one. and another, and another. Five actually. She was not even herself when she was drunk, she was not bailey. She was an idiot. And then, a guy came up to her that night. Completely taking advantage of her, knowing that she was drunk. So they go into the closet, and laid on the floor. Started doing everything when someone opens the door. "Oh my god! Bailey? Hahahahaha! Look everybody, Bailey is getting some action!"
Bailey could not be caught by her parents doing something so utterly retarded. and somehow there was still enough of her left to tell herself that she should go home. So she got up, got dressed, and walked out. The walk home was horrifying, she knew that everyone was talking about this. She knew her parents would somehow find out. Bailey broke down. She could not handle all of the thoughts running through her head. She finally got home, took a shower and went to bed.
The next day at school was going to be horrible, she knew it. She got ready and got on the bus. That was undoubtedly the longest bus ride of her life. Finally, the bus makes and loud screech and comes to a stop. The bus driver opens the door, and bailey is the first one out. She walks in the doors... when suddenly. it starts. "*cough cough* slut *cough* The worst month of her life.
Name calling never affected Bailey at all, but for some reason. That one felt straight like a bullet to the skull. She goes to her locker gets her books and goes to class. and as you can imagine the rest of the day was nothing but name after name after name after name. Day after day after day after day. Her friends were still there for her, at least for right now.
Bailey went home that night and could not take it. Literally one more name and she would have gone insane. The bullying started almost 2 weeks ago, and it showed no signs of stopping. She didn't even know what to do. Move schools? Maybe even move states? She could not take it anymore. She was trapped, no way out. She was just sad. Really, really sad. She goes into her bathroom and open the medicine cabinet. Grabbing a whole bottle of pills.
She woke up in a hospital bed 2 days later surrounded by her family and what remained of her friends. She knew what she did, she remembered taking the pills. And she remembered waiting for them to kill her. But the rest was blank. Then, the doctor walks in, "Hi bailey, I hope you're feeling better. You took quite a lot of pills. Enough to kill a normal person. Most people would be dead. It's a miracle that you're still alive." "A miracle?" Bailey says, "I wish. It's more like a curse." Her mothers head turned so fast towards her as soon as she heard that. Her mother leans closely, "Bailey, why did you do this?" Bailey broke down once more. Her entire mind was completely scrambled. She told her mom, she told her everything.
The next few days she stayed at the hospital to make sure her body was doing okay and everything. And then after the doctor said she was okay she returned home. She didn't go to school until the following monday. Because she knew this time it would be worse. Much much worse.
The night before she returned to school she got about 30 minutes of sleep. She was so nervous because she knew the kids would feed off of her sorrow like buzzards. Then of course she goes through her normal routine, and she was arrived at school. She walked in the doors and felt so scared. There, was a crowd of people. Waiting, for her. So many names being thrown at her at one. Emo, suicidal freak, depression freak, pill popper, cutter. It was like a war scene. Bullets flying straight at her but Bailey is out of ammo. The kids in her schools were evil, they were the end of her. Literally.
She goes home that night and walks into the bathroom. The same one that she nearly died in a few weeks ago. But this time she went in there for a different reason. Another way for her to release her misery. She opens the drawer under the sink and pulls out a razor blade. She stares at herself in the mirror. Looking at a monster. Not Bailey. Bailey was a sweet and loving girl. Not a suicidal freak. This girl in the mirror was not Bailey. This was just a monster in the form of Bailey. She sits on the floors, and pulls down her pants. Looking at her thighs, looking at the blade, and then looking back at her thigh. She puts the blade against her skin, pressing as hard as she could. Watching her leg bleed. She liked it, she liked hurting herself. She felt like she was so useless that it was all she was good for. She cuts repeatedly, until she can barely even feel her leg anymore. She pulled up her pants. Looked at the monster once more. And walked out of the bathroom. Then she was tired, so she went to sleep.
But this night was different. Bailey hardly ever had dreams. Tonight, she did. It was less of a dream and more of a nightmare. I nightmare so scary you really can't even explain. She saw things so horrible, almost scarring. Imagine the scariest thing ever and multiply it by one hundred. That is how scary this nightmare was. I feel like i'm degrading it by calling it a nightmare, it was much more than just some silly dream that you can barely remember 20 seconds later. No, Bailey knew she would never forget this terrifying dream.
Bailey got up the next day for school. Only getting about an hour of sleep she knew she could not go to school today. So she just stayed home. She slept until 3 in the afternoon, luckily not having any more dreams. She was scared of everything. She was scared of school, her family, even herself. She lived in fear. She could not believe what she had become. She wished that she could just be happy, things could go back to the way they were. But wishes only work in movies. And this was far from some movie, this was as real as it gets.