Notes

Running. Moving my legs as fast as they can move. They burn from all the running and from how many times they have gotten kicked in the past few days. They are chasing me. Kris and Kei. They always beat me up. They kick me, punch me, bruise me up in places that usually can't be seen unless i'm naked or shirtless. Today is different though. They are chasing me off school ground. I don't know why they do this... they just do for some reason. They don't usually go on for this long. It usually only last for about 30 minutes to a hour. But now its been almost 3 hours. They've been at it since this morning. Fuck, I fall straight onto my face once again from tripping over something. I push with all my strength to get up from the ground. I finally get up and I turn around to see Kris right behind me. I turn back around and dive straight back to running again. He's much faster than me. He is the quarterback of the football team. I know, so cleshay for the star footballer to be after the weak kid of the school. "You can't run for long faggot!" He yells at me. I hate that word. I hate his voice. It's so deep and raspy, I can't stand it. I see there is a two way down at this alley and I decide to go left. But right when I turn it I hit something extremely hard. It doesn't budge but I fall completely onto my back. "Look at the faggot. He thought he could get away from us!" After I hear the hard thing talk I figure out it was Kei. Fuck, I should of known he was somewhere. "P-please..." I try to speak but they have completely shattered my lungs again. "Awweee, Alex do you want us not to hurt you" Kris says in his stupid-ass baby voice "Asshole" I mutter so they cant hear me but apparently they did. Kei picked me up and slammed me against the wall. "What the fuck did you just say!?" I look him straight in the eyes. Trying to cover up how scared I am. "I said 'Asshole'" That's when something happened that I never expected. He dropped me to the floor and I flinched at my legs crushing under me. Kei is the one that always did the beatings. Kris is just the one that stands there and watches. Kris sometimes tells Kei to stop cause Kei always tries to take it to far. "Give me it" Kei says to Kris. "Kei, you can't do that to him. Your taking this way to far. Look at him, let's just leave him here and go to my place..." Kris tries to get him away. I look up at Kris and he looks at me. I see sadness in his eyes for some reason but it goes away right when it came. "Give it to me. Now!" Kris flinches at how Kei yelled at him. Kris stumbles his hand to his back pocket and takes out a switchblade. He slowly gives it to Kei and he fetches it out of his hand. "This is what you get" Kei says then spits on me. He flicks the blade out and says "Stand up. Now..." He looks at me with her stern look and I do as he says. I stand up and look at him. Wincing at the pain that is progressing through out my body. He looks at me then slowly cuts open my shirt. "W-what-t a-are y-you d-d-doing..." I try my best not to stutter but nothing works. "This is what a faggot deserves!" I start tearing up and look over at Kris. His eyes are wide and full of fear. I Feel accrutionating pain from my left side of my stomach to me right. I scream as loud as I could. But I already know no one can hear me. Cause no one cares. No one ever has and no one ever will. I am a little faggot. "You deserve to die and rot in hell." He then spits in my face. I look him straight in the eyes and say without stuttering and with a straight face. "You know what, I do deserve to die... I should have never lived a day of this life. I am a little fuck up and there is only one way to fix that.... Killing myself" I say and Kei's face is shocked. I look over at Kris and see him crying. Why the hell is he crying. I look down at the knife and I snatch it out of his hand. Kei takes a step back with his empty hands. "Kris, let's get outta here. This physco could crack any minute" After saying that he runs. Kris doesn't move. He's just looking at me. "D-don't d-d-do it Ale-x" I look him straight in the eyes. I look down at the blade then back towards him. I take the blade. Point it towards my stomach and stab it into me. Before I could push it all the way in I feel someone's hand on mine stopping it from going to deep. I look up from the person's hands and see Kris looking at me with tears. I start seeing stars and I lose my balance. He catches me and sits down while laying me down on his lap. I look down and see blood spearing out. I look back up to him and he says something I didn't except... "I can't lose you." That's when I finally close my eyes and all I see is darkness. Why can't I see "Hello!" I yell but nobody answers. All the pain is gone. I look down and see I have nice jeans and a nice white shirt on. I look under my shirt and see a perfectly well fit body. The one I used to have before I met Kei. I put my shirt down and start walking. I see a tree and I walk towards. I'm about to touch it but before I could I feel pain coming from my stomach. I look down again and I see redness all over the shirt. what the hell. The pain gets so much worse. I start to scream. I sit up straight and feel pain all over my body. I'm in a bed. What the hell. I look down and see wraps all around my waist and stomach. I look over at my hand feeling something grabbing at it. It's a hand. I look at who it belongs to and it's Kris. I lay back down and try to remember... everything comes back. I actually did that. I did that to myself. I'm such a fuck up. "A-alex?" I hear from my right. I look over and see Kris awake now. "Hey..." He starts tearing up and I let go of his hand. I don't want him to get mad at me. I didn't know I was holding his hand. I don't know how it got there. "H-how are you feeling?" He says while a tear escapes his eye. "Um, the pain is kinda there but not as bad as I was before i'm sure. " He looked at me "Yeah I'm sure the meds they gave you are helping I'm sure" He gives me a weak smile. I give him one back and now we are in a awkward silence. I want to ask him about what he said before I passed out but I decided against it. "Do you remember what I told you" He asked me. I looked at him with wide eyes and he looked up at me. Another tear slipped from his eyes "You need me" I repeat his words in my way. He looks down at my hand and grabs it. "I don't really understand any of this but the day I met you. I t-though you looked... c-cu-te" I nodded to him to go on " Then Kei said he found out you liked guys. I got excited cause maybe I could have a chance with you but my parents are homophobic so they can't find out." The day you came to school Kei walked up to you and shoved you into the locker. I-I want-ted to h-help you but K-kei told me I-if I ever helped y-you. He would d-def-friend m-me..." At this moment tears are coming out of both of our eyes. He tightened his grip around my hand and I started to rub circles around his hand without realizing it. It looked up at me and calmly said "I'm so sorry... For what Kei has done. I wanted to help you. so much but I couldn't lose him. He was my only friend I had" I looked at him confused "Was your only friend?" He looked down at his lap and continued to say "Kei found out I've been coming to see you for weeks. I told him I liked you since I met you and he said he shall never be friends with a faggot." More tears dropped from his face. "Can you lay down with me..." I look up at him and he gives me a questioning look. "Please...." He chuckles and I scoot over for him. He lays down next to me and I scoot all the way down. I put my hand on his chest and cuddle into him. I feel his heart beating extremely fast and I find it adorable. I always had a crush on him. And since he was the one who never said anything bad to me and never hurt me. The crush thing never went away. I take in a deep breathe and get a big wiff of his cologne. It smells so good. "You smell really good." I say and look up to him. "....Thanks" He looks down at me and chuckles. He smiles at me and we keep staring at each other. He raises his right hand and puts it under my chin. "C-can I k-k-kiss you?" He says and his cheeks go completely red. I laugh and lean up against him. Our lips centimeters apart. He looks at my lips and to my eyes. I do the same to him and out of no where he crashes his lips into mine. We stay there for a second and then he starts to move his. My whole body is tingling. It's a good feeling though. One I have never felt before. I wonder if he feels the same. "What the...." I hear from the door and break the kiss. I sit up and look over. I see a man at the door. He looks a little like Kris but more manly and he has weird facial hair. He looks pissed. "Kris! Why the fuck where you kissing this boy!" He yells so loud I can hear it echoing throughout the hallway. "D-dad..." Kris says as he jumps up from the bed leaving me alone and cold all alone. "I can explain. wh" His dad interrupts him mid-sentence "No, I got it loud and clear. Your a faggot!" Kris flinches at the word "And I don't own no faggot... Your not my song anymore" His father says and storms out of the room while slamming the door close. Kris just stands there tear streaming down his face. I slowly get up and walk towards him. "Hey..." He turns towards me and looks so mad. He blames me, he doesn't want me. I turn around with tears in my eyes and walk towards the bed "You can go, we both can just pretend it never happened..." I say as I sit on the side of the bed while looking at the ground. He walks towards me and picks me up by my shoulder. Is he going to hit me? He puts his Fingers under my chin and lifts my head up so I can look at him. He leans down and kisses me. "mmm" I mumble but he doesn't stop. I close my eyes, feeling the tingling feeling again. I love this feeling. It feels so amazing, it is unexplainable. He breaks the kiss and says something that completely shocks me to the next living world "I... I l-lov..... I love you Alex" I just look at him and he looks at me. I quickly wrap my arms around his neck and hug him tightly. Making sure this is real and he doesn't disappear. And he doesn't. He is still here right by me side. And now I finally know "I love you too"