Notes

This isn't being written for what you may believe, nor what many people may believe. This is so others realize the hell they have put me through. I know this whole issue died weeks ago, but the damage has stuck, and I don't know what to do. I assume you know who I'm talking about so I won't explain people. Just know the people I mention have affected me in many ways. My true feelings will show, and so will my feelings about others. I don't care what this makes me seem like. I won't be the same person you see in school. Now that you know what you're seeing, let's begin.

This whole ordeal began before I even realized it. Fourth Grade, the year Philip decided to be my friend. He seemed like a nice kid, and he was. But the problem is, I became good friends. I never thought that was a problem, but then I saw the real Philip. He didn't care who you were. To him, you were either an obstacle, or a boost. I was both. He was competitive and always wanted to win. I wanted to win things too, but I learned to lose. He had not. I regret the times I tried to win against him, because he would try to win in other ways. Once, his competitiveness Some people may remember this if they went to Liberty. The time Philip got suspended. Why? The kid brought a pocket knife to school. I was one of the first people who knew. This was a mistake I would remember for a long time. During breakfast, he says he wants to show me a secret, and then he pulls it out. He threatened to use it against me if I said anything, and I didn't. I kept quiet to protect myself. Luckily, he was caught when he dropped it, so nobody got hurt. I don't remember the real reason he brought it, but the fact that I basically received a death threat in 4th grade was something that would scar me for life. I still receive nightmares of what may have happened if i didn't stay quiet. Another thing that happened was in 5th grade, again with Philip. This time, Andy was a big part of this. They both knew I was scared to make friends. They both knew that I was scared of people hurting me mentally. I was already very shy, but they used it against me. They knew how to break me, and thats exactly what they did. 5th Grade Tween Night. It was the first time i could join a party with friends. It was at school, so most of my classmates were there. Of course, I only went because Philip and Andy were there. They kept trying to embarrass me, in front of all my peers. Embarrassment is the biggest reason why I'm shy. The thought of it scares me. I hate it whenever it happens to others, but mostly when it happens to me. The made fun of me because I couldn't play board games, which is because I've never played one (and I still haven't full completed a whole game). Then, they all leave. I don't know why, but they leave me alone. I know it may sound dumb, but I started to cry. These were my only friends, and they just left. A few minutes later, a teacher comes to talk to me. I stay silent. I don't tell others how I feel, unless I full trust them. I go back to a table, and continue to cry. Philip eventually comes back, and says he would of invited me, but he didn't think I would like playing with them. I was watching them after they left. Playing games, dancing, taking pictures. He acted like I don't like fun, yet he knows thats usually what I want. It's why I was there. Still, I forgave him. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I was naive, or just dumb, but I still did it. Although this was so long ago, it has left emotional scars. I became shyer, more closed up.

This was just a small part of what happened in elementary. They treated my terribly, but I was so desperate for friends, that I felt that I needed them. And just saying, there was someone in that school, who I blamed my problems on, and I feel terrible for it. I apologized to her, but I feel like it should be mentioned. I feel terrible about that I did to Nadine. Blaming her for all my problems. I was dumb for it, and seeing how she is now, i feel bad for doing it. She wasn't very mean, but I know she would get annoyed by me, and if anybody deserves to hate me it should be her. Somehow, it wasn't like that, but that's not important right now. My friendship with Philip and Andy continued until the end of 7th grade and I mean the last day of 7th grade. Philip got an award, the Wolverine of the Year. He bragged to all of us, until I got annoyed. I wanted to leave, so I did, but I spotted Mrs. Green walking to the office. That's when I realized I had an award to. It was a small award from JUMP, but it was enough to keep me from getting mad. I was proud of what I did. Philip was mad about it. He kept making it seem like I didn't deserve it and made me feel bad about it. I decided to end out friendship right there. I did not speak to him until summer. He then texted me and apologized. Once again, I forgave him, which was a huge mistake. He seemed nice at first, but then things changed. October-November was when it happened. The main collapse of our Friendship Triangle. How it all started was dumb, but it turned out to help me later on. Nadine decided to prank and asked Andy for my number. Now remember, I despised her, although I shouldn't have. She started to text me, and I recognized it was her. I asked her how she got my number, and she said that Philip gave it to her. I asked Andy if he knew anything, and he said Philip told her. I was furious. He knew i hated her and he knew I don't like it when others have my number. It scares me what people can do if they had it, and now who I thought was my biggest enemy had my number. I confronted him, and he was mad for believing there word against mine. That was the first collapse. Then, after a few days, she decides to start texting me a lot. And I mean a lot. I had no problem with it. I finally found someone to talk to outside of school who won't use me. She said I was interesting, a compliment I would never forget. Andy had his suspicions about me texting her. Then, behind my back, he starts texting her mean messages. She shows me them, and I became angry. That was my best friend hurting a new friend. Keep in mind that I almost never consider people my friends. I texted him and kept telling him to stop. In my anger, I did use foul language. I regret it, but he was being mean to my friend, and I don't like that. He stopped talking to me after. A few days later, I apologized to Philip. It was my fault, and he forgave me. Then Andy apologized to me, so I forgave him. We then had a project with Mrs. Green, in which we had to make our own government. It was fun, except for one thing. Philip was being a control freak. He always had to have the right ideas and his government was the only good one. Of course, me and Andy were annoyed by him and asked him to stop and he did. He stopped doing the project. I wasn't going to let do nothing so I asked for Mrs. Green's assistance, so she moved him. We finished the project, except for one thing. Andy filled in Philip's spot. He did the notes, he did the drawing, and he wouldn't even let me glue the information. Then he said that I did nothing, which was only partly true. He would only use my ideas, and then act as if they were his. I know what you may think. You're probably thinking we got mad again. Luckily we didn't. Not yet at least. Remember how Nadine would always text me. Andy was jealous, which was obvious after he got mad at her. That's when rumors started to arise. The whole thing was just people thinking that I liked Nadine. It seemed obvious that I did, but i did not. Yeah i showed signs of it, but that's because I'm socially awkward and can't talk to people. Eventually, Andy confronted me about it. I denied it. Then Nadine's Friend, Emma, confronted me about it with Andy. She decided that I did and would not stop pestering me about it. In fact, I was slapped because I tried to leave. She kept tugging on my arm, until I forced my way out. The next day, it was Andy, Emma, and Nadine who confronted me about it. I was not allowed to leave. I was going to the library, as I usually do, and wanted to got there. They kept asking me about if I liked her. They got annoying and I knew there was one answer that they wanted to hear. So, I just said yes and left. Emma didn't seem to care, but it was my friendships with Andy and Nadine that were ruined. Andy was done with me. He didn't talk to me for the whole winter and part of spring. My friendship with Nadine did hurt me the most. I will deny that I have a crush on her, but I won't deny that I think she is amazing. Not amazing as in a romantic way, but more like someone I could look up too. She was nice and funny, and would at least try to text me. She helped me through a some things, and I thank her for that. But now it was all gone. Her words echoed through me for a long time. I was told that i didn't have enough guts to deny it. I was told that i was weak for not saying anything and things that she would only say in anger. This was when my friendships collapsed, but not where the problems ended. Around this time, there was someone else who liked to talk to me. Jacky Mejia. One of the worst people I have ever met. She liked to tease me about my name. I know teachers would get it wrong and others would do it playfully. But none have done what Jacky has. She went around telling everybody how to say my name, and if i tried to correct me, I would be hated on. I know it sounds small, and it was, but then it escalated very quickly. Apparently, the 2 parts of my name, Bay-Ron, could be used as a "Ship" name. She used Bay for me and Ron for Ronnie. She then decided to write a letter from Ronnie to me. It was one of the weirdest things i ever read. In summary, it was a gay letter with many sexual comments. I did not want others seeing it, so I took it away from her. She already showed others, so that was the best I could do. I felt helpless. I was friendless, so I couldn't talk with anybody. This was the first time I decided to bring teachers into my problem. Teachers were a big help for me. I showed Ms. Wagner the letter, and she called Ms. Torres. I was helped and Jacky was suspended. Although it was nice for her to be gone, it was only temporary. She was mad at me when she came back, and blamed everything on me. The people who sat next to me in classes would bring it up, but they only knew her side. I don't know what she said to them, but they were mad at me. I didn't know what to do, so I stayed quiet. Then, Philip re-entered my life. Not in a good way. We had to be in partners, so he asked to be mine. I had no friends so I allowed him too. Then, another argument was created. We had to answer questions about morals and what people should do if drug related incidents occurred. I read a question about alcoholism, and he took offense to it. I realized why when I re-read the question. It involved a dad and alcoholism, so naturally, Philip was offended since it was true for him. We answered the questions, but then he started to say things to others. He spread a small rumor saying that I made fun of his dad for being an alcoholic, which was false. I was called messed up, mean, and evil. People who barely knew me probably disliked me by now. People I would talk to would not talk to me. He spread it in Science class, but I had the idea to confront him. We argued, but I ended it saying "I never mentioned anything about his dad being an alcoholic". That was apparently mean because I was admitting that he was, but I never understood how. Luckily, Philip left the school during Winter Break. He was gone, and I had peace, but not for long.

This was a horrific and depressing time for me. I'm not sure who I've given this too, but, if you did read the whole thing, keep it all in mind. People can be evil, especially your closest friends. I learned this the hard way. I was put through so much stuff during school, that it's hard to tell anyone my true feelings. Also, keep in mind that all this was ended weeks ago. It shouldn't matter now, but it is a little bit of insight into my life. This is part of what happened, but I'm not done yet.