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Kesan thrillernya cukup terasa dari penggambaran suasana, ditambah dengan adanya surat dan datangnya sosok wanita misterius itu. Keseluruhan ceritanya sudah bagus, saya suka sama idenya. Masih ada lanjutannya, kah?
Untuk segi penulisan, ada beberapa yang salah. Seperti kata 'nafas' yang seharusnya ditulis dalam bentuk baku yakni 'napas', lalu banyaknya pengulangan akhiran '-nya' yang mungkin bisa dipangkas. Pengulangan kata 'dirinya' juga terjadi beberapa kali, ada baiknya di beberapa tempat kamu tukar menjadi 'dia' agar lebih bervariasi.
Masuk ke tanda baca, jangan lupa sertakan satu tanda di akhir kalimat langsung sebelum kamu tutup dengan tanda kutip ya. Apalagi kalau itu berupa kalimat ucapan, bukan sekadar contoh yang saya berikan di atas.
Terakhir, saya juga ada tips untuk menulis elipsis atau tanda titik sebanyak tiga buah.
"Fokus.." -> "Fokus...."
Elipsis itu ada 3 titik dan kalau digunakan di akhir kalimat, sertakan satu tanda baca lagi untuk mengakhirinya.
"Aku.. ingin mati saja.." -> "Aku ... ingin mati saja." atau "Aku...ingin mati saja."
Kalau berada di tengah kalimat, penulisannya jadi seperti itu (ada 2 versi; 1 dengan spasi, 1 tanpa spasi).
Semoga membantu!
Looking forward for the next chapter of your character's development. /winks/
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