Notes

I am the worst person I know. I am only 19. I used to be so mean to people because I hated myself and I took it out on others, but now I just take it out on myself. In school I would always get in trouble and everyone hated me. I have no friends, I probably haven't had a real friend since elementary school. There's no way that its not my fault. I get so much from my parents and I can hardly pay them back I feel like such a spoiled brat. If I wasn't alive they would be happier probably. But I just had to be born. It was such a mistake. I didn't ask to be born this person. Why couldn't I have been born as someone better? Everyone else is a better, stronger person than I am. I know I shouldn't compare myself to other people, but its impossible to ignore it. Everyone is so much better than me in every way. I am just a lazy, depressed, loner who isn't going anywhere. Everyone seems to think I am extremely happy when I am not. I hate just being alive. Everyone thinks just because I have material objects that I "want," then I must be happy and have no reason to be sad. They say things like, "there are starving people all over the world, what do you have to be sad about?!" I would rather be those starving people, they are all stronger and live lives of more meaning than I do. I don't do anything at all. Just watch movies or play games. I am such a loser there is no reason for me to live.

I feel stupid compared to everyone. It doesn't matter that I can memorize facts, I am stupid. I have no common sense and I always mess things up. I can't ever finish anything I start and there is much better people than me. The only thing I could ever think that was good about me was being smart, but I'm not smart at all.



I suck at everything and I waste my life on the computer. I play video games which gets very boring (every video game gets boring after you played so many, I'm tired of pressing buttons for fun). My whole life is boring. I wish I wasn't born me, I wish I was born like a normal person. At least they can go through a day without repeating in their head "I hate my life I want to kill myself." I don't know where I got that from, I just randomly started saying that one day to myself, and now I say it without thinking.



I'm boring and annoying. Why was I born? I do NOTHING all day, and I don't have any real friends, I wish I could just die. Also, I have almost no common sense. I don't understand why people would cry if I died. I hate this stupid "unconditional love". Why would someone even care if I died? Its so annoying how family is supposed to cry if you died even when you are horrible.



I am very annoying. Every time I talk, I annoy someone else or even myself. I can't ever think of anything to say, so the only thing I can do is try to talk, which ends up being annoying. If I don't talk, I am just boring. I can't ever think of anything to say without being random or a jerk. I just stand there and do nothing. I never do anything. I can't even think of the last time I did anything. I'm fat because I'm extremely embarrassed to exercise at all.



I'm so scared when I'm around anybody. I feel like they are judging me, and everything I do makes them hate me. I can't stop feeling this, I feel so guilty for not saying something to someone that I know I should. Sometimes I acidently offend someone and it feels like I should just die. I tell myself that I'm just thinking these things, but I'm afraid that everyone will hate me if I talk to them.



I've never liked myself, for as long as I remember. I'm completely embarassed whenever I think about how I used to be, I was annoying and a brat, I don't think anyone liked me then. There was only one year I felt like I completley changed, but I was wrong. Im still an annoying spoiled brat with no friends. I could have just as easily ended up as someone better. I hate being me. Even if it looks like I am really happy on the outside and having fun, theres always a voice in the back of my head saying "You are sad, no one likes you." I'm always depressed no matter what........



I really can't be me anymore. I hate myself so much I want to torture myself because I deserve it, and I now I hate myself even more for thinking that. I'm the must ugly person ever my face is ugly I have a lazy eye and a terrible smile, I'm overweight and I'm really ugly. I'm the most boring person I've ever met and no one could ever like me. Everyone hates me I'm suprised no one has tried to murder me yet, if I was someone else I would have stabbed me 100 times and be happy that I just got rid a huge waste of space. A table is less of a waste of space than me. I wish I was never born or was born as someone else that doesn't take up space and hurt everyones fellings and annoy them and make them sad.


I feel like some useless mass of skin just waiting to be thrown in the trash, and no one would care to dig me out of the dumpster. I can't like myself, I am a waste of space that can't do anything. I'm doomed to be a waste of space forever.