Notes

Hi.
There are millions of reasons for me to be sorry... pero Kurt, Im sorry for being who i am. :(
You see, im doing my best to cope up with my mistakes.. to be the best for you. to make you happy.. to give you the love and care you deserve.. pero at the end of the day, I will never be the best one around for you.
And it hurts. Sobra. I know I still hurt you every single day..
Hindi pa ba sapat lahat ng ginagawa ko? Kulang ba ang love na ginapakita ko saiyo? or... Hindi ba kita minamahal ng tama?
Mapride. Ginaunder ka. Hindi marunong magpatawad. Oa. Bossy. Maldita. Slut. Whore. Matigas ang ulo. Hindi marunong magintindi. Name it all.
I know you think na nagbago ako, na mas okay ako dati kay ako pa ang nagabeg or nagapatawad or what..
Pero...
Dont you love me the way i am ngayon?
Please tell me you do. Please.
Kasakit gud isipin na kahit anong gawin ko yan parin tingin mo sa akin. Always mo nalang ginaisip na ikaw parati nagaforgive. Bai isipin mo sana ako. Masakit na gud talaga sa part ko na parang ginapamukha mo nalang sakin na wala na akong nagawa sa relationship na ito kundi manakit, magpabigat, maggawa ng mistakes..
I know you mean well or wala kang intention na saktan ako kasi reality yan para saiyo pero kurt, cant you see? Im trying. :((
And I know hanggang ngayon yung nagawa ko na mistake dati still haunts you and i understand na you dont trust me easily na pero Kurt, I know what ive done and hindi ko balak ulitin yun because I love you... so much..
Kahit ganito lang ako, I will never attempt to do the same mistake again. My words towards you may be sometimes harsh pero may dahilan bat ko yan nasabi.. Can you at least understand my side? Nagasorry man din ako sayo sana naman hindi ka puros sa negative side nagafocus. Sana hindi mo parati ginatingnan yung mga mali na nagawa ko.. Sana naman tingnan mo din yung side ko na ginalove ka and ginaunderstand ka..
Unfair para sakin kasi you always get the credit in this relationship.. Yang ikaw parati gasorry, ikaw parati gaunderstand.. So ano ako? Troublemaker? Ganun? :(
I LOVE YOU, okay? and i understand if sometimes youve had enough of my attitude na pero please appreciate me naman for all the good things ive done sa relationship natin..
Magbalos ka nalang if thats the only way for you to forget that certain mistake na nagawa ko.. Saktan mo ako, hanap ka iba, trashtalkan mo ako, ipalabas mo lahat ng galit mo sakin.. Go ahead baby.. I deserve that. :)
Sometimes, I think of myself as pabigat saiyo or a burden to you.. kasi lahat naman ng ginagawa ko mali.. lahat naman ng ginagawa ko nakakasakit sayo. I hope you realize na ganyan ang nafefeel ko most of the time.
But I understand. I understand if you dont look at me the same wa dati. I understand if you dont think of me as yung perfect girl na gusto mo talaga pakasalan. I understand if you dont love me anymore the way you did before..
Pero at least give me a chance to prove myself to you..
To prove na i can change.. na i can be better.. or perhaps, best. For you. For us. :(
I love you and I cant afford to loose you especially if ako ang magiging dahilan.
I hope you understand my side and give me a chance na magbago because all I ever wanted was for you to be happy while nasa arms pa kita. Please, ibahin mo na sana ang tingin mo sa akin. :(
Change is hard.. pero I will do it, if its for you.
I love you, Kurt.
Always have, always will.