Notes

OK so to pre-empt this, I know I'm pathetic. I'm 25, and this is my teddy. He's called "Marty" of the "Monstaz" series by Ty toys, when you press his belly he goes "I'm from the Planet Ty! Take me home!" He's cute af.
Basically my ex was impulsive and bought all sorts of little toys and knickknacks and had them strewn everywhere, she's that sort of gal. When we webcammed she used to be cute and have him peak around the corner of the camera with that big Leela eyeball, I played like it was annoying so she kept doing it.
When she moved over she brought him with her and I took her to the house I was raised in where my mum had all my childhood teddies in a bag in the attic. I was geographically separate from most of my friends at school so my teddies were my home friends and all those old attachments came back - when we got home I projected them onto Marty. I started using him as an emotional dump. If my ex asked me to do the dishes I'd pick him up and go "I hate dishes! You suck!" in a high pitched voice, then she'd threaten to drown him in the sink and I'd do the dishes.
We went to Toys R Us one day and there was a whole tub of Ty plushies. I pulled out my (now routine) high pitched voice and went "help me! I've been stuck in this tub for so long..." which triggered both of us so we bought like 3 more little Martys and she bought a few more of the full "Monstaz" collection that she didn't have. A few weeks later she ordered 2 larger model Martys. Over the next few months I kind of turned them against her by fleshing out the Marty character and having a full blown canon for their life on the planet Ty. "When a big Marty and another big Marty love each other very much, they close their eye and a little Marty appears!" (all in high pitch). Just dumb crap I say off the top of my head which ends up being very funny somehow.
Anyway, we broke up and I kept the Martys. So now there's 4 little Martys and 2 Big Martys that live in my bed. When I lay down at night, they're like "Hello! Welcome to your bed. That'll be five dollars an hour. We need to buy fuel to get home."
I've had a couple of gals over and a girlfriend since that ex and somehow they've all found it amusing. Either I laid the groundwork for a tremendous pity train or I'm more handsome or smooth talking than I give myself credit for. Or maybe Marty is hypnotically cute and literally entranced them.