Notes

i was once untouched by mankind. Smooth, young and innocent like a new born baby. Never looked at or touched before. No dark memories embedded into me. There he was. He touched and looked at me as i was no better than that piece of trash on the street. Leaving behind physical and emotional scars he will never see. Ripping my hopes and dreams to shreds. As i look up into the darkness, i see no hope. I was walking down a dark long path which seemed like it would never end. The orange street lights flicked as i walked past. The light enabled me to see only people saw in their nightmares. There he was watching, as i walked down the path alone. The only think comforting me was music pounding into my ears. It gave me a sign of relief, as i was free. But how i knew that was not true. I should of just stayed in that night and all of this wouldn't of happened. As i was walking down the street, he jumped out of the darkness and grabbed me. I was startled. I tried to run away but that made him grab me even harder. He pulled me across the street and slammed me against the tree. He was as strong as metal but as soft as a mouse. I just knew what was going to happen. I was going to get touched by man kind but not the way i expected . He started to take of his trousers, knowing what was going to happen i froze. I laid there whilst he was ripping the only dignity i had on me. I gave up fighting and just closed my eyes. I felt his hands run down my body and they were as cold as ice. He pinned me to the tree and i was hopeless. I tried screaming but he punched me and chocked me. This gave him pleasure. He forced himself into me and it felt like a stab of needles tattooing me with unwanted ink. I tried kicking and screaming but it was hopeless. I was afraid he'll do much worse if i tried to escape. There was a lump in my throat making it difficult to speak, scream and even move. It felt like hours, but it was only for a few minutes. Sharp razors from the tree were cutting into my skin. When he was finished, he ran off into the darkness. I felt used and ashamed. I felt like it was my fault because i was alone. As he got of me, i got up immediately and started running the rest of the way home. Because of you, I've lost all my courage. I've lost my sense of safety. The physical damage you have done will fade, but i'll always have the mental damage. I am no longer that once brave girl who wouldn't let anything stop her. Because of you i no longer sleep, i can no longer close my eyes because the flashbacks seem so real. To this day, it still haunts me, making my hair stand on end and making me have mental break downs and crying for hours on end. It is scary what goes on behind closed doors and late at night, when its least expected.