Notes

right now i am so upset i want Maggie but she is with her friends and she usually is so i mean just chill i get this burning feeling in my gut that upsets me and makes me honestly angry with her and i don't wanna talk i just want to be mean but i have to be better but she just walked away and i want to hug her and punch her at the same time i get honestly inflamed cause she acts one way one the phone and text but in real life wont do that around me like i don't even care about her friends like that i just want her but its like she changes around me because at the beginning of us we rushed and i hurt her and now she thinks she has to be fake with me so then i have to change completely for her and not care when she goes and talks all day or talks to her (Y) like

that doesn't make since and then if i don't say something i'm the villain like i've killed her or something like she doesn't know if she loves me and then gets mad when i ask cause i wanna know but she doesn't know which gets me cause i feel like she wants me for the title now and talk like she just wont let go but its like she wants the best in both worlds with friends and me and it upsets me that she wants me to change but wont change herself like she says she will but she stays the same and wants me to change who i am for her and i don't think she knows what she is asking i don't understand somethings i wanna do better but i want to change myself but i don't want to change who i am just to fit to her needs i wanna be me and have a good time and her love and let me love her i wanna have a good time with her but i don't want to be like a kid and her always saying stop no just let me be a boy i love Maggie but idk she doesn't want me to cling she doesn't want a lot out of me but idk i just know that i love her

i love Maggie with my intirely and really want to be with her and everything but its like she acts so different when with other people and like if she is with her friends and sees me she looks at me as if i'm her mom or dad and am gonna scold her or something like i'm gonna hurt her like blehhhhhhhh i hate that part i wanna be her lover not parent and i don't want us to fight i wanna just have a good freaking time with her not upset time but just a good time and when i say this to her she says ok well then just stop worrying and just do it but we don't ever move on so then we cant just do it because she doesn't change and i have to keep changing but i want us to meat half way but she doesn't want to do a lot so then i put more in and she sits back and enjoys best of both worlds and her friends don't bother me its just the fact that she knows she loves them but doesn't know if she loves me and then gets mad when i ask does she like that doesn't make since i love her and just wanna do us is all

i haven't seen her all day like since like 11 this morning so not salty but feeling like she didn't want to see me so i guess its ok i missed her at every turn today but she was with Brooke the whole time so idk and shell be with Brooke at the play so i don't know what i think but im here now so cant do much
and idk i say her this morning and did not see her for the rest of the day literally so idk maybe she wants to be with friends but who knows i wanna text but i don't want to at the same time idk what i should do if i did text i don't know what i would say honestly

like she says one thing but acts a different way and i don't want her to change because she thinks im weird or different from friends like i wanna be treated like a boyfriend not boy or outsider i mean i want to talk but know what to say and i know i don't wanna say anything dumb