Notes

i dont even know how to start this off, still remember two years ago when we first met at the tutoring place and i thought you're just really quiet and smart; then Ashley told me that she liked you and i guess i was trying to get your attention that's why i wrote a note to you telling you she likes you. fuck you that i got hit afterwards. i honestly dont believe you liked me two years ago though cause you were always so far away from me and we never talked. it's weird that after two years you talked to me again because of mel LOL. i felt rly weird at first and kept leaving you on seen and trying to ignore you im pretty sure you can tell. and then after a while you said you regret liking mel and kept bothering me,i knew something was up LOL. rather saying ignore you i was trying to keep distance from you, i kept telling you there might be a better one cause i didnt want to hurt you but i didnt reject you straightly since i liked you. then you kept talking to me everyday and i felt like you could understand me and know what i went through. it been long since i have talk to someone about those stuff. since i liked you two years ago the feelings somewhat can come back, so i thought i could try and maybe this time would rly work out. its weird how you care about me so much and put me into such a important spot because im was the one always do that in the last few relationships, and i end up getting hurt at the end cause i care too much. i can relay on someone rly easily thats why i dont like talking to others too much, once i relay on them, every word they say and their every move is going to change my mood. that's why i cant control my emotions. i started to express myself rly weakly after shit happens cause i dont want to show people how im rly is before they hurt me again. but you always have to know once i choose you, i chose you. it's not easy to make me change my mind although i like to scare you. im rly insecure in every way, thats why i think so much crap everyday, i worry about my life, school, parents, friends, my future and basically everything that's happening. i really hope that you can stay by my side and that's why i wanted you to tell your parents about our relationship so i can see you more often and we dont have to hide. i try to understand everyone and thats why im stress. i understand you, you didnt want to tell your parents because you dont want to put our relationship on risk, you were too scare to lose me. a lot of time you think i dont care or i dont love you as much as you do, you just dont know, how many times you run around in my head everyday and you are always the first one pop out in my head when something happens, i want to share everything with you and tell you everything, i want to make you feel secure around me too. i dont show it cause im scare, that you're not gonna cherish if i tell you how much i love you and how much i missed you. if those words becomes a habit, you not gonna appreciate it cause you know im not gonna leave you and you can just be careless about me, thats why i dont tell you about those stuff. although i kept telling me you wont get tired of me, but theres times that i doubt, i trust you though, i believe in every words you said but all im scare is you going to leave me. i cant explain how much i love you like you did, but i want you to know im always here for you. i always like to think about our future cause thats making me feel like we gonna last forever until marriage, when we have kids and even when we become grandparents ;) just dont stress yourself and over thinking, i know you dont want to upset your parents, or me, take a deep breathe and take your time, im always here, just do what you have to do and be happy.
I love you and happy 2 weeks bae <3