Notes

Conflict Resolution With Loved Ones

Once in the while, I get into a disagreement. Sometimes, it is a hundred times weekly. I like to think I know a little about arguments and ways to resolve them. Here are a few things I have were able to learn in my journeys:

Fact: The people you may argue the most difficult with, unless you're a politician or protester (but even still, I think I'm right relating to this), will be the people you like.

Avoid a full argument. Take the above note about "arguing worst with all the people you're keen on" into consideration for those who have something mean to say of see your face. And even if, unintentionally, you actually have some evidence that you are right, it is all about the approach. "You always" and "I hate whenever you" are phrases that (1) you might be hurting someone with, and (2) will effectively go ahead and take argument nowhere productive.

Saying "I feel" or perhaps an equivalent at the beginning of a sentence and not following immediately with "just like you always" will get you further in conflict resolution than accusing someone of something regardless of whether it is a fact. I repeat: Don't say "you always", ever. Make the point you've got a general statement rather than one strictly about that person. E.g. "I feel as if you are not happy about visiting the hockey game. Is everything OK?" rather than "You have always a frown on that person about everything. What's your complaint now?" How would you personally react to each? Probably not nicely towards the second statement.

Besides, the problem you're having likely isn't with 'every time' you try to a hockey game, the face features a do not allow her face. 'Today' brought the issue up (re-surfaced or otherwise not), and also you would want to resolve today's problem. Perhaps by resolving today's issue, you'll be able to look back upon 'every time' to see what was wrong all along, yes?

It works in defense too. E.g. "I feel stupid if you figure out I chew too loudly in public places," as opposed to "You also have to state something to embarrass me looking at other people!" Another example: "I felt bad when despite my efforts you said I didn't [recycle properly, drive properly, cook dinner right; whatever your situation]". Again, imagine the method that you would reply to someone saying either thing in retort to something you said: Escalation or even a much more reserved?

Accept reasons for having yourself. Sometimes other people are right. Try to evaluate which you'll be able to do to further improve should you realize it's something you'd like to further improve upon. Ask the individual, "What can I caused by change?" If anybody offers no suggestion, as is also common, you have two options: (1) Think to yourself, "How can I make improvements to this?"; (2) figure it would be a criticism, not only a constructive comment, t here fore it's their problem, and move ahead. To hell using the realization that you can probably take a step a better way.

The first is the foremost option. Remember: People are historically great at criticizing and tremendously awful at offering any real solution. You may need to resolve things by not escalating outwardly, but you are able to still upstage them internally. Change what it is when it forces you to feel better so that you can honestly say to yourself when they may have once been right, they now are wrong.

Another popular trend: Not saying sorry once you realize you're creating more problems than deserve the main situation. Just apologize. It's not very hard. "I'm sorry." You'd be surprised what those words can fix. And offer some reassurance. Mean whatever you say.

No resolution? Take the high ground. Don't escalate, don't sit silently burning angry thoughts via your brain. Go somewhere else and take action else (read, write instructions to the face which you'll never demonstrate to them, light said letter burning in a very non-flammable container preferably outside, blog regarding the experience even in case you save becoming 'Private'), but not before saying "I've made my points, I had hoped we'd resolve this, and in case you need to discuss it more, we can. Until then, I'll be [going for the walk, using the couch, expecting your call, inside the other room; sculpting a statue person with bananas herniated of your eye sockets and nostrils]." Maybe avoid the very last example in this quote.

If they don't desire to resolve it next, chalk it all around their lack of communication skills, consider their criticisms individuals idle and proceed. Any criticisms given clearly was lacking any real basis beyond see your face's must argue. Some people are bored, really bored. Remember that.

Big Life Tip: Use good sense. The people you fight with many will be the people most hurt by you. If that's somebody close to you, approach the problem just like you actually value making a vast improvement, not just about making a criticism.

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