Notes

you believe things will be easily taken away from you, all of us, but you particularly
you believe you have to spend so much money perhaps relinquish it all in a relationship

let us organize our life, reimagine a new way of living before going home shall we?

you believe in Darwin, strong prey on weak and you must appear strong, though you believe you are not strong. certainly not strong enough to win a fight.

dont focus on motivation, focus on darkness inside

unceasing books music movies

dim montreal rooms smoky


you blieve you:re good but the inner knows youre moralless fearful

you are afraid of your life ike araby

growing up is loss of innocence and many of us want to cling to the innocence

i prefer the quiet, slow thinking and deliberating, measured words, while the word is spontaneous and rushing. i do not thrive in such a world, especially in courtship because in your world of the slow and the mind you are a contender but in their world the world of sharkeys...you:re a loser

legitimate suffering always searching for the childhood i wish i had, will never find it to the detriment of the present i am forsaking...but the only way to solve the problem is to face the darkness...to meditate on it and embrace my pain, and the failures as a result of this search, the people who got hurt by me, but why was it the childhood was different from how i wanted? i felt inadequate, our family worse than others, anita...

very early on i compensated when threatened with the feelings of not measuring up with fantasies of marshalling resources with a plan to be better and be back one day to show you up, but that day never comes does it? that is run from the fight, but pretend like you won the fight in your mind. this is called fantasy.

or sanctuary in dreams of being a novelist or a businessman or 524.

mr greenjeans eaton centre, buying classical cassette, running away from waterloo

musis doesnt help me, nor movies but books i guess out of habit...i am not a wordsmith, i just took shelter there all these years tho i never worked hard at it

purity clegg epub

you want to do anything and everything to run away from it, but face it face it down
creating this personality of cheery bubbly blah blah blah which tires you to no end
but the running away, the fantasy, in order to sustain it, had to keep thinking up life gimmicks, or illusions of grandeur further fantasy to feel special otherwise the mediocrity would consume you. now let it.

don:t work on the kpns yet, spend more time with this...not through books, through the memories directly

that yes even now, a constant sweat lasting hours...no one else is like this? come on