Notes

From: "[email protected]" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, November 13, 2014 9:10 PM
Subject: hi

After our talk today I began to think that presenting the issue with Bucky when you arrive is not a good idea because Larry will be very upset. His blood pressure has been high and this will put him over the top.
I can not confront Bucky because he is not living here now. We tried to accommodate him but he was unwilling to make any changes to improve his health. It was difficult to have some rules implemented but it is in our best interest and his.
I can only suggest that you go to Al-Anon, this is what saved my life and allowed me to stay with Larry. The therapist also helped, she knew how to talk to Larry and how to aid us in understanding that Bucky is sick and needs medical help and that Bucky is not ENTITLED to anything.
You rescued him from NY because he was living in danger--frightening situation. I know you love him very much and I admire you for reaching out and getting him in a safe environment.

Al-Anon will teach you how to relate to loved ones without enabling them---without rescuing them --without saving them because when you save him/her they can not recover--they can not grow.

Kim, you did a great job with your children, they are responsible, dependable, clean cut, loving children. They work, go to school, live on their own ---they are RESPONSIBLE. You and Keith are excellent parents who have good values. You have both made sacrifices for your children and it shows--.

You, Stevie and Bucky were raised in a good environment too. You all have a loving --caring mother and father who provided you all with the best they could. .
Bucky is from the same nest---but he has different needs. Needs you --or Stevie or Ann or Larry can not help him with. As much as his loved ones want to help him--they can't help. He has to get to a point where he asks for help. If everyone provides for him --he won't ask.

Please start Al-Anon immediately---you will hear your story, And when you share your story, you will help others with the same needs. What is said in these rooms will stay in the rooms. These people are there to recover, to make their lives healthier. I have learned :
" I did not cause" the problem
" I can not control" the problem
" I can not cure" the problem

I pray that you begin attending the meetings, I go to an all women's group on Thurs---it has saved my life. I got a sponsor in one week--I went to the meeting and asked for a sponsor the first day. I work every week with her for 1/2 hr. This has changed my life--I have learned to accept many things the way they are and not have expectations. I can not control outcomes, I can only control myself.
"Bless Them, Change Me"
All my love,
Vickie

Kim replied with the following...which is absolutely INCREDIBLE considering the trouble she has caused in the past 3 years with her addiction!

"Thank you for writing to me. That helps a lot and for listening yesterday. You are right. I cannot control it, did not create it and and I sure did not cause it. See you Thanksgiving. I do not want to upset my dad. I won't bring it up there. "