Notes

hes so hot, he can drive well, he goes to the gym, i havent worked out in so long, daniele is so into him kinda whenever i left he immediately tried to get close to niggls and talk to him and arrange for them to do smth together without me, he so clearly dislikes me probably because of jealousy, which is pretty mean, ami also seems so into him the way she asks him to go to the gym with her, he also leaned in close to her, hes into girls of course, also he mentioned vanessas mom mightve been the woman that was staring at him on the bus so that means he met her and she saw him so he went to vanessas house probably cuz theyre dating, which means he says romantic things to her and they spend so much time together, she gets to see him naked and get hard, she gets to hear him moan and cum, it must be so hot, she gets to take his virginity, how does he feel bout having been single so long, now he can be horny and have a desire for sex and unlike me itll be fulfilled with her, she gets to pull down his underwear and see his pubes and theyre gonna be so aroused and theyll laugh together and be so happy, i just really really wanna see him naked
me and raksha go to watch one super random movie and it happens to be a gay one, which reminds me of how much i wanna be with him and experience romantic moments and go to aquabasilea with him and just feel so happy and like i have the best life anyone and see him naked, maybe its a sign that we watched a movie like that, i want it to be one, but he might be with vani, and he has fun with dan, but of course he can also have fun with others and still love me, i laughed so hard with flori or raksha and am still into him, dan is obviously sooooo jealous and vani said she doesnt wanna boyfriend and he said like 4 weeks ago, that hes fine if they only text once a month that suffices for him, but maybe hes way more into her now, i really gotta confess to him so i can clear my mind, by either knowing i can be with him or knowing i cant be with him, i guess the uncertainty is the worst, also i wanna talk to daniele about how he goes out of his way to not include me with him and niggls
mario and zelda nostalgia, danganronpa nostalgia, i remember playing it with loris and on my wii u and those days were so great and without any worries, gravity falls nostalgia, when mom didnt know who was gonna die or who the culprit or mastermind was and i could always be like "oooooh, i know whos gonna die next" and she doesnt know and i looked forward to her reactions, hell girl nostalgia i remember i was in season 1 during the italy sola and i was thinking about it and i still had so many episodes left and i watched all of them and it was kind of a really cool show even if it got repetitive, i also have melanie martinez nostalgia, all those songs i listened too, in the futi kurs
vicky and daniele, do they both dislike me, what have i done, i wanna at least find out, is niggls now really together with vani, but i love him so much and wanna be with him like alexis and david, that dream i had where i like caught up to him and flori riding away with my magic spell and then made him undress and we made out and it was so amazing, if i could experience that in real life i couldnt put into words how elated i would be, but i never will probably, but i wanna finally find out today if i have a chance, i mean hes a teenager so he also should be really horny and wanna have sex and i wanna see his hard dick and his pubes, but he hasnt been with any girl yet and hasnt really shown attraction apart from what he says which could just be a lie, apparently he has 3 crushes and only florine knows them, ami said flori was one of them but then it makes zero sense they werent together, he also didnt even reciprocate isabells flirting at the gymball, or danielas constant flirting, perhaps he really isnt into girls, i wonder if hes dating vanessa now, her mom met him but where and when, i hope they arent together but they probably are, its probs just a coincidence that all those girls so far who wanted to date him werent his type or something, maybe i actually have a chance, all those moments with him, all those small hints, like in van dermerwe when asked who he last jerked off to and he sad "some model online" cool of him to use a genderneutral word there, when he sits next to me he puts his hand under his shirt a lot and strokes his chest, i would love to do that, in my dream it was so unbelievably hot, i wish i could be with him, all those moments of sadness and jealousy wouldnt matter, it doesnt matter that many girls wanted to be with him and noone wanted to be with me, i had a shot with vicky but probably blew it or maybe daniele said something to her about me, but that doesnt matter cuz if i was with him id be with the one i really truly love and i would be so happy that nothing matters, we could do anything, talk bout anything, laugh bout anything, he can tell me bout all those girls who were into him, i guess it is an actual possibility we could end up together, but i wont find out unless i straight up ask him, i really wish this would end well but i cant know, today will thus either be the best day of my life or the worst day of my life, him asking me to watch a movie in front of florine right after she told him how much it hurts that he never asks her out cant have been a coincidence, that wouldve been too unthoughtful of him, unless he admitted to her he was kinda into me and she nudged him on to ask me to do something, so maybe i do have a chance, once i make a move and were together we can keep it a secret a little bit and then after we reveal, dan will be so jealous which would be kinda fun to see, i wont be actively mean to him but he has been not kind towards me so i wont feel sorry for him, i really wonder how he feels bout being so hot and talented and popular and girls wanting to date him so much (survey), he didnt say anything bout it on new years, he thought i was probs more popular, also mentioned how i was good looking, apparently talks bout me the most at home, maybe he really doesnt believe im into him cuz i do avoid to send any signs cuz thats gay so he assumes since im known to confess my love to everyone and havent to him that i must not be into him, but i got to kiss him at vanessas party and i wanna kiss him more and longer and with less clothes on, when he was drunk he did some gay things which means he mightve kinda wanted to do them sober, like tickling louis foot or hugging me at the gymball, even patrick looked taken aback there, he can have fun and laugh his ass off with others and still love me, of course he can laugh his ass off and have the best time with me and also still dont love me, but i will have to find out, so far fate didnt wanna confirm his sexuality and hasnt paired him or me up with anyone, but it has thrown challenges in the way, also petras comment that he might be gay would be incredible, but he hasnt confessed, maybe as he said "ill stay a virgin for 2 more years, who cares" applies cuz the only guy hes into is me and if im not into him then what does it matter to come out, multiple girls being into you must be so awesome, him having sex and thrusting and shaking and cumming must be the hottest thing in the world, with the things anna said about how even if someone doesnt actively love me they could still say yes to a date, or notevenemily who says even if someone only replied and never texted that still means it was a nice relationship, maybe those are all signs of fate telling me that yes i have chance, BUT ONLY if i ask out him cuz hell never ask out me, so thats what i wanna do today, ill do lots of MA so i earn my right to deserve love, ask him for jogging and ill carefully confess, giving him the option to nope out if he can tell where im going, but then ill just ask him for a date and see what he says, its crazy how just hearing or reading his name immediately causes so many emotions inside me and i just wish i could talk about him like "yeah, my boyfriend did...", just his name alone makes me so in love, i really wish i had a chance
vani sitting on his lap, was that not really arousing for him, what if i actually have a chance, he has one life and one dick and its probably so hot, maybe its a bit small but i would love it, wonder how his pubes look, his abs are already so hot whenever he lifts his shirt slightly, everything about his body is just so hot and attractive to me, i love his hair and his neck and his face and his eyes and his smile, he also wants to stick his dick in someone right, hes also horny, but most most likely for girls and impossibly for me, no matter how many nice memories we have, though now that i think back whenever i talked bout raksha or vicky he got kinda quiet and silent, when i mentioned "oh ill eat these chips when i play among us later" he immediately asked if im gonna play with her, which is a really weird immediate thought, but it is one that i also immediately make concerning vani whenever he mentions doing something, but i only think that cuz im into him and jealous, so what if he was the same, imagine if i could tell florine "you know what, i can finally answer that question you asked me 2 years ago. Yes, i do make out with niklas", the confession might be really awkward, but anna said that i have to take the risk and the chances cuz nothing will happen otherwise cuz eeeeeeveryone is shy and scared of rejection, she knows how that kinda stuff works, also ami said you only live once and you should do what makes you happy and if being with him would make me astronomically happy then i have to try it, right now im pretty confident and feeling good, it might actually work, it might not but i can deal with that after
telling all the people bout our relationship i could be so happy and proud (not of being gay but of finding such an amazing SO), i could tell danilo, noriko, fernanda, anna would be so happy for me, all the teachers (wonder how walz would react, hed probs be so happy for us with his usual kind smile), parents obviously (him eating dinner with us or me eating dinner at his house, wonder how he and maeva would get along, or me and annika), rest of my family, people on the street or in restaurants when they see us holding hands or kissing, all the people in class how would they react, going on a doubledate with alicia and yannis or petra and louis would be fun, how would daniele react, would he be really cruel and try to break us up, would he be happy for me, probably not, how will vani and flori react, i feel kinda sorry for them i guess, but if i was happy i could be super kind to everyone, before vanis party we had so much fun together, at simons when he asked again if we should go into the whirlpool or when he offered to flash all other girls to protect my changing self, wouldve loved to see his dick, go back to that day and see him shirtless in the pool, in greece i saw him almost naked all the time, he was showering outside, his naked body was sooooooo close to me, wanna see him naked and in the shower, when i made that comment to dan during the survey bout rahel and those eggplants, niggls laughed even tho he was across the room which means he was really focusing to hear what I am saying
i feel like everyone has so many friends and experiences so many things that i cant experience, i dont know how much everyone texts, maybe niggls only texts with vani and not that much otherwise, does he start the texts or does he mostly reply, i just wanna stop to feel lonely, if i was with him i wouldnt need to feel bad or alone anymore and also not jealous since i know im so happy to be me so i can experience these moments with him, and also sex, but that will probably never happen, but what if it will, i would be so so so happy, i just have to find out
all these gay reddit stories or love stories or whatever make me feel sad and jealous and wishing ill have something as romantic and lewd as that one day, i guess i can use it to give me hope
so many people have to die young and suffer, life is just so unfair, and here we are, able to live perfectly easily with enough food and shelter, and our biggest problems are getting laid or MA, its kinda so unfair, but it doesnt change how sad i am that i can never be with him, ill just have to move on with my life and hope my feelings disappear and ill find someone i love just as much as him who loves me back, i hope i deserve happiness and love, how does niggls feel bout this existential stuff of only having one life and it maybe being terrible, out of all the places in the world we happened to live here in basel and happened to be put in the same class, we mightve never met, what other great person i would love is in another class so i never got to know them, it was just pure chance but now i DO know him and i love him, its such a coincidence that people meet but they fall in love and are happy and it doesnt matter who else is out there, hes lucky to look as handsome as he does, his parents had to have sex at that exact moment or he wouldnt have been born, thats so crazy to think about, wonder if he thinks bout crazy stuff like that, now hes alive and he wants to keep living and be happy and have sex probably just like everyone else, he doesnt wanna suffer, i wish i could be with him and make him as happy as he makes me, and then make out of course like in my dream next to the road, at floris party when we started talking bout post-nut syndrome niggls was very eager to talk bout it with me, i was of course also eager to talk to him bout anything related to him being nude and wanking and cumming, "sich einen wedeln" he must be so hot while doing that, wanna kiss him on the gym roof, we met in this building, i fell in love in this building, i wanna undress him, take off his shirt, pull down his underpants, get in bed with him, touch his naked body, also this is really creepy but i love how he smells, just the scent he or his clothes or his body gives off reminds me of him and thus i like it, hes already 19, hes gone through puberty, he has pubes, he wanks, he cums, was he ever embarassed bout sexual lewd puberty stuff, seeing him flustered or embarassed must be so cute, him streaking with his friends mustve been hot, woudlve loved to see him naked, his dick flinging around as he ran, he mentioned that at three parties already, wish i could also see him naked like those guys but in a sensual context, whenever i saw him at school i would know how he looks under those clothes and the lewd things we do while we answer math questions for walz, and everyone else would wonder about all the moments we have and the things we do, would some get jealous, definitely daniele, but what about florine, i hope shes over him, she wanted to see him naked too and do romantic things with him, i hope ill get over him since hell probably reject me and yet here i am talking as if our relationship was already a fact
most people never get famous and theyll be pretty much unknown to all of humanity, but that doesnt matter, i probably wont become famous, but if i find an SO that i really love and am happy, who cares
i wish i was with him, on dates or in bed, but hes probably with vanessa, i was always so worried bout florine and after she clearly wasnt with him vani shows up and poses a "threat", obviously i cant call her that since i never had a chance anyway but it does feel like yandere simulator with a new romance rival showing up immediately after the last one disappeared, everyone wants love and sex, nicolai is on tindr, daniele is on tindr, i wanna feel sorry that everyone makes fun of how ugly daniele is and that hes unsuccesful on tindr but the way hes excluding me makes it difficult
hes only alive once and he wants to have sex with girls of course, hes into boobs, he cant be into me, hes probably already been cuddling or making out with vani, i have no chance, ive had so many nice memories with him, he makes me so happy, all the trips we could go on, i could see him naked and horny, but i probably wont, still i have to confess to him in order for me to be able to move on, is he scared of death and wonders what comes after, i wonder whats up with vicky but im sure itll be interesting, dan obviously dislikes me, ill politely and kindly confront him and ask him about it, vani texts with him all day and doesnt reply to me but thats fine, ami was really nice to give me that advice, im only alive once i would love to date niklas so telling him that is all i can do for now, also plans and MA and working out, i really need to do that, then ill feel good and will at least theoretically have earned dating him, i will confess to him and hope for the best, cuz anna said only openness creates openness, ill make myself really vulnerable but maybe itll lead to the intimacy that i long for from him, maybe hell admit he was always a little into me and me getting with other girls annoyed but he thought he had no chance and didnt dare to ever tell me, or he had no crush on me at all but maybe still says yes and will then be happy making out with me anyway, but the only way to get there is to face the risk of getting hurt, ami said its impressive and cool i have a rejection rate at all since most people never share their feelings and get nowhere so what im doing is not only courageous but also the best thing, even if i end up being rejected its still better than the uncertainty and i can be proud of myself for at least asking
imagine being in a car with him, parked somewhere with a nice view, maybe its raining, were listening to cool music, we just talk, or were just quiet and relax, hold hands, lean in for a kiss, sit in the back and cuddle, make out a bit, that sounds like heaven if it was with him, i have to stop worrying he hates me whenever he has fun with someone else or doesnt respond to a message that doesnt really need a reply, if he didnt like me then he wouldnt have immediately looked at me when flücki said we should pair up for the experiment
the dream where we walked holding hands was so nice, i wanna confess to him, then go on dates where we eat burgers and then touch each other and kiss, hell come over eat dinner with us watch community with me and dad then we study together and then we go to bed together the next morning we shower together brush our teeth together and walk to school together, imagine how jealous dan would get, im looking kinda forward to confronting him bout going out of his way to exclude me during discord calls or when he had no empathy and reacted hostile when i asked him about vicky, i hope niggls isnt with vani, he texted me multiple times the last couple days, that was really nice of him and shows he does kinda care, i just really need to tell him, imagine if he said yes and i could be with him and see him naked, that would make my life so perfect
i cant put into words how badly i wanna pull down his underwear and see his hopefully full bush and his dick
i wonder how he feels about me, when he sees me texting him does he smile, does he like to see me when he walks into the classroom each morning, when he sees my backpack at a lunchtable does he sit at the same table if its still free and daniele hasnt already asked him if they sit together and say they reserve a place, its so ridiculous cuz you know that there are always enough seats so its just a weak excuse and attempt to ensure he can sit next to him, or when he mimed 2 kg of mayonnaise during the french lesson to niggls across the room, that was so incredibly desperate and he also milked that joke in the groupchat, i would like to be in the chat they have with joel but if i got together with niggls i wouldnt care about that cuz honestly being with him just makes me so happy, i really am in love with niklas, but it seems so impossible that out of all the people he knows i could be the one he would date, then again yannis knows so many people from pfadi and school yet he dates exactly alicia and noone else, guess it could be me, i just dont believe in myself and dont trust love enough, our legs touching or being on top of each other, daniele does try to get his hands on niggls' body as often as he can, i wanna hug him and kiss him, i wanna touch his body, hes his own person of course, it would be so amazing if that person loved me back, i could go eat that amazing lil korea burger with him
all the stuff i talked to dag about, feeling lonely, wanting love, somehow i just messed up making real friends who care about me and text me, noone puts in effort to spend time with me, scared ill always stay single and alone and a virgin, scared my life wont be cool and worth having lived it, id rather die now than find out, wish i could be someone else whos so confident they dont have such an extreme desire to meet others cuz theyre already happy being with just themselves, i wish i could make myself interesting, (novelty! the most seductive trait), i dont know how, niggls is so hot and cool and talented, wish someone would love or like me as much, wish i could be with him since his smile makes me so happy and we have so many memories and we could do so many things together, i could see him naked and that would be so hot and i wouldnt need to worry bout being an eternal virgin anymore, maybe even tho he doesnt aaaaalways meet up with me and doesnt text me that much and sometimes would rather go to the gym doesnt mean he couldnt still wanna date me, its the quality time we always have that counts right?, him in the gym must be so hot, i just love seeing him, that alone makes me happy, also he does have a distinct smell which i also love of course
VKU with florine was so much fun, burgers on the parking lot roof was so much fun, that one guy who was kinda cute and she agreed
when im in love with him, being with him just makes me happy, its that simple, im horny for him, i wanna see him naked and do lewd stuff with him, i love seeing him and looking at him, his smile, his hair, everything about him is perfect, and i enjoy being with him so much and maybe he does too with me, i need to confess cuz i only have one life and he might reject me but if i dont ask him out i will definitely never be with him, i dont want that with certainty like lambdadelta, so ill confess to him and see if he says yes and we can have amazing memories and eat burgers and watch so many shows together and it and travel everywhere and dan will be jealous and well have fun and well make out and greece would be the best holidays ever, imagine if he actually liked me back it would be so unbelievably great and would make me so happy, i have to find out cuz it would make my life so much better or at least easier, what if he always kinda was too scared to show too much interest me cuz im the same and perhaps he doesnt get the feeling at all that im into him, it must be so great if people are into you he has it with flori and vani and other girls, i dunno how hes gonna react to my confession but it might be the best for me so i can start to move on, or if im really lucky have the best boyfriend and life anyones ever had, but well see, i could be gay with him everywhere, tell other people, our legs could touch, those super lucid dreams i had with him could become reality, imagine if he was gay and into me and my boyfriend and we could go on dates and make out
if he says yes, then go jogg with him and talk bout eeeeeverything, then go to gym roof, make out with him, go on dates, but keep it a secret at school, watch community with him, play DR with him, maybe take him to rakshas party, but alas i probably will chicken out or something and either not ask him or he doesnt have time and i wont dare to talk to him about it, but i need to be brave enough so i can know once and for all, im glad i have a sexdrive and a working dick and i can jerk off and be horny, that hasballah dude or something maybe cant, i would feel very sorry for him, i hope hes happy with his life, niggls has one life and hes so hot and confident and could have sex and maybe already has had it with vani, i wish he could do it with me tho, go to bad ragaz and so many moments, being with him makes me happy and i can be glad that noone round these parts is in any way homophobic, that feels normal to me but probably is something i should appreciate, tho if i was with a guy that made me so happy i wouldnt care bout what anyone else said, we could just be together smile at each other and be naked on top of each other or shower together, oh imagine in bad ragaz in the bed or on walks at the lake or in restaurants or therme
he texted ME a couple of times now, this should mean nooooooothing, since thats just what normal ass friends do in a super duper platonic way, but i cant help but love him so much, and he also sent me a pic of his head, imma invite him to lil korea tomorrow when we walk to the car or something, unless ami is there too, then at lil korea ill give him the whole truth and confess to him, i feel like whenever i do hard work i get more niggls moments, so it feels like i just have to be productive and truly earn my boyfriend, i do feel like there are probably overseers and its all a simulation, but who cares, if i get to be with him and see him naked im satisfied and have nothing to complain about, , the overseers will only let me have him if truly deserve it by having put in effort, so i will work on MA really diligently and then confess to him and then ill keep working and being a nice person to everyone cuz i would be so infinitely happy to be his boyfriend
having your life together, knowing what you wanna do, not slacking off or wasting it, him telling me that hell wait for me after the chemistry test was so sweet, today he once again put his hand underneath his shirt and kinda rubbed his chest and he also made like "heart beats" underneath his shirt, when i mentioned like damn your heart be beating, he immediately stopped and said nothing, was he annoyed and worried i might be into him, or is he into me and he was embarassed that he was kinda caught

anti natalism
confessing to him
him and vani
daniele jealousy, calling us when we watched anime, escalera, @niggls in the chat, wingman, ka Niggls ):
all the things i wanna do with him, see him naked
i guess all the notes getting erased somehow could be a sign, since once i confess to him i wont need all these thoughts anymore, ill know if he likes me or not and if we could be a thing
vani, niggls, daniele, ami (how do they feel about each other, how about me, memories, phantasies, etc)

jogg or nanamen, check if hes with flori or vani or any girl, confess, show him my DR edits and IfIDieBeforeYou community, it 1 and 2, grüen80 burgers with him, lil korea burgers, community with him and dad, danganronpa with him like with mom, jump factory, bad ragaz, tamina therme, hiking, make out, aquabasilea, europapark, travel, japan, onsen, love hotel, shirakawa gou