Notes

We forced an actual designer to review our writers’ DIY article images
Why?Well, by making our own visual art, we — the writers —get to add an alternative element to our memories. We can stretch our inventive muscle mass, use the medium of image to spotlight a specific element of our story, create a vibe, or, consistently, make ourselves laugh. Despite the creativity dripping off our DIY article images like fat from a hog roast, there is a subsect of society that doesn’t really like them: photograph designers. It’s hard to understand if this is as a result of their jealousy over our push aside for their lame “guidelines” or if it’s because of their envy over our “creativity.

”“First up, design. The triptych of the author‘s superimposed face is sloppily done; with mismatched skin tones and jagged edges. But, visit here … uh… girl?Their face blends almost perfectly with the body, a feathered option creating a seamless montage. Ditto with the important Columbian drug lord. I can only assume here is intentional, and holds potent that means.

“Are the models with the author‘s faces imposters?Are they wearing masks?Is this some type of twisted Greek theater performance?No, no, doubtless not. This image is like a vision of hell from Hieronymus Bosch; to study it is to become lost. ”“I’m sorry, but there’s no way anyone could paint such fine detail with a fat ass brush. I can usually droop my disbelief when it involves function images as it’s a medium without much need for internal consistency, but I have my limits. This is trash.

”“Though, I benefit from the aesthetic determination to imitate that old Playstation commercial where the woman has uncomfortably far apart eyes. I also commend the choice of history image. Take this from me, and I don’t say it lightly: royalty free stock images of retro televisions are a precious aid. I’ve used an analogous Pixabay retro tv in, like, six alternative commissions. But this one is brand fucking new.

I’ve never seen it before. For that alone, here is a five star picture. ”“Immediately our interest is piqued; why does this caveman have a sex toy?Why is he working from a mother and a creepy old dude?Has he, daresay, just used the thing?Or is this a post apocalyptic scene, of human descendants using our titillating technological detritus as weapons of warfare?Whatever the answer's, I know I’ll love it.

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