Notes

i just exist. im not really living, im not happy or anything. i really i dont feel that much anymore. i do what im told and thats what i live for. i dont have anyone or anything to live for. honestly i dont know why im here. when i think i hit rock bottom, it somehow gets worse. how could it get worse? something always has to happen. where did i come from? i know that i dont look like this. this isnt my body. someone new always shows up in the mirror. im trapped. i want to leave, please let me leave, i want to go home. this dosent feel like home. home is comforting, pleasant and beautiful. this isnt my home, it feels stressful, loud and weird. where is home? who are you? my friends turned into people i used to know. they dont actually know me nor do i actually know them. what would they think of me if they found out how i actually am? i think they would certainly think im weird, ugly and unsettling. wouldnt they? i only really have myself. im so tired of hurting them. why do i act how i act? why do i say the things i say? i should just shut up. i dont even think they would notice if i did. maybe its for the best.