Notes

So there is this girl Miranda i met while doing tech for this show that ended last week and i kinda have a crush on her. she is bisexual, but she's in the grade above me and I know she doesn't like me. We were at the cast party for the aforementioned show, and we were talking/ maybe even flirting, i have no clue. Miranda steps away to get a drink or something, and my friend Naomi who has been listening to our conversation starts squealing about how i should make a move and how we would be so perfect together. i object, because i didn't want to start anything with someone who doesn't like me back. Naomi just ignored my protests, and later when we started playing truth or dare she dared Miranda to kiss me. i refused, because, like i said i didn't want to get entangled with Miranda if i liked her and she didn't like me. I don't think I could emotionally handle kissing someone who I liked who didn't actually like me back. Plus, she's had like 10x more experience than me. Actually, 10x0 is still 0 but that's beside the point. Anyhow, before the whole truth or dare fiasco Miranda and i were friends, and now it was just awkward. I decided since we wouldn't be seeing each other for a long time (she's in the high school and I'm in the middle school), it would just be best to forget about her and to not go out of my way to make contact with her. I forgot that today was going to be community day, where the high school and 8th grade have some programming together for a day. Miranda and I share a common group of techie friends, and I was sort of purposely not hanging with the group because i knew wherever they would be Miranda would be. Not only that, but earlier that morning i had seen her sitting on a rock with some friends. I waved hi and smiled, and she was looking right at me but she didn't acknowledge me and that really hurt a lot. Like, way too much. I figured that if she doesn't say hi back one time and that hurts me so much, I really should steer clear of this girl. Who knows how much damage a conversation could do. So I avoided the group of techies until it split into two, and I hung out with the half that she wasn't in (side note: Naomi was in the half she was with.) I was also avoiding Naomi, because like i said Naomi wants to get Miranda and I together, she still has this unrealistic idea that we could end up as a couple. Anyhow, the two halves eventually collided and Naomi started to physically push me at Miranda, basically trying to force us to have a conversation. While I was trying to run away from her and get out of her grip, there was some confusion among the other techies about why Naomi wanted us to talk so badly. While all of this happened the other techies demanded an answer, so Naomi told them that I was gay, which i honestly didn't mind. what i did mind was that she told them I was gay by telling them I like Miranda, and now ALL of the techies know about that, Miranda included. I usually will tell someone if I like them before anyone else gets the chance to, but only if they aren't ridiculously out of my league (which yes, Miranda is). Anyhow, so Naomi forced Miranda and I to talk. Miranda invited me to the gay-straight alliance sort of club meeting that is happening this Sunday at 1 o'clock very close to my house. I really, really want to go, but i'm not out of the closet to my parents and they are very protective, so i see no way I could get there.