Notes

Why did we break up?

Nobody cared to maintain the relationship- Both me and her were busy with our lives, she didn't seem to care. Suddenly she realizes I wasn't there for her because she was the one that pushed me away and now wants to be alone. WHAT? She is now pushing me away when i try to reach out to her. I am just going to stop and move on with my life. I have already made it clear that I want to try and be with her, even though i fucked up too. You need to realize that relationships are a lot of effort and deep down you aren't ready for that kind of effort yet. There's a lot you want to see in life, lot to experience and maybe date different people too. Right now you might feel ill physically, mentally, drained emotionally but just remember that these feelings are temporary. I think it was because of her that I was physically, mentally drained. I realized it almost 3-4 months back because we both aren't ready for a relationship. I get anxious at times but now the anxiety has just reduced so much. I really want to speak to a therapist and I know this could help me in the long run as well. My mental health has taken a toll and it has caused a drastic effect on my physical health too. You have all the freedom in the world right now to check out emotionally for a few days, digest what's happened, accept it first and know why it happened and understand that it had to happen at some point. If she can't see eye to eye with me on this right now, it's not my fault but maybe later on when she does realize, it might be too late.

Time heals all wounds. This was somewhat expected because she never actually put any effort into the relationship, which left me emotionally left out. I decided to check out of the relationship even though I had feelings for her. I stopped telling her stuff and she did too. This was the problem. Getting into a relationship not knowing what we are. I didn't set the frame in the relationship. Although, I did try to do so, she didn't comply. I actually don't want to try once again tbh. It's really not worth it and if she wants to have fun, let her. I know for a fact that she can't find someone better. She will feel even more lonely without me after a point. That's called the point of no- return. I apologized for my part and tried to be there for her but she just pushed me away. Take your time and think if you really want this relationship. I haven't felt happy in a long ass time and I was just able to chill and kick it off when i just forgot about her. That's just the beauty of things. If you work on your mental and physical health, other attributes, you'll eventually bump into someone better and it always happens. It's just a matter of time. Ashley and the others were a different category. Yashna was a different category. Right now she might want to be alone but at some point she'll remember what you guys had and what she's lost. All I ever did was complain about the relationship to my boys and it put them down as well. I really feel bad about this because all i ever wanted to do was just peace out and chill. Right now there's no fire inside of me because there's no energy. Once I'm able to get my energy back, I would be able to light that fire inside of me which is going to fuel to me and push me to where I actually need to be. The point is that right now, I shouldn't want her back. It will actually scare her and make her chase. It might be difficult but you have to understand that there's no other option to this. Feel what you need to feel and get over it. She will never be able to forget what you shared with her. She will never forget the way you made her feel. Right now you have to focus on yourself, even if it might be hard because of the lack of energy. Trust that things will get better with time and time will start rewarding you.

You have content like atomic attraction, 3% man and other books which you have to religiously read. Look after yourself and your health, don't let that slide. She will soon realize what she's lost and it's just a matter of time before she does. Understand that you told her you're open to talking. She knows that. She's not ready to talk yet. She's not trying to string me along, I'm sure. I trust her, that's the best part. I trust that whatever she said to me was true, it's just that we weren't able to communicate our needs with each other, and the worst part is that we weren't able to respect each other's needs. Understand that you are growing as a human being and she is too. It could be that our paths will cross again, it might, it might not. Nobody knows. But cherish what we had, and remember that there were a lot of good times and good conversations. Remember what you told yourself in the beginning if it doesn't work out? THIS IS JUST A LEARNING EXPERIENCE and guess what? You were absolutely right about this. It did teach you how a good relationship can have a lot of problems too. And you're also right about the fact that she's gonna regret not trying to lock me down. In due course, you will hear from her. She'll want to speak to you. It's not long before that happens but until then the best thing to do is to let go, assume that it's over forever and move on. Live your life the way you want to live it. Right now, yes things are not easy. It's not like you're going to be this way always and it's not like her emotions for you are also going to be like this always. Understand and appreciate that she's going through a lot too. That's actually one of the reasons why I tried to talk to her. I can't let her walk over me anymore.

Writing this made you feel better about a lot of things. When you remove that bubble which indicates fear of loss, do you think you really want to try again? It was nice, for sure. It was cool, the moments we had together. But idk if it's worth fighting for, especially when you know that there are tons of women out there who actually want you. You should try and date different women, gain more experiences and never get butthurt by women in general because they are erratic creatures. They create their own turmoil. They are very much aware of this too. Plus, long distance is just a lot of work, especially when you're both in different countries and can't communicate effectively.

Your part is to just improve who you are, learn from the mistakes you made. DO not try to fix her. That's her job. She knows that she fucked up too. Please don't text her anymore. Wait for Kyle to help you with this. He may not help you get her back but i'm sure he'll help you with being a better man too. Back off now, trust yourself and trust the process. Try to erase all memories that you have of her. It is obviously difficult but you can do it. Now's really not worth it. Just have faith in yourself, know that whatever is happening is for the better. Everything obviously happens for a reason. Ashley happened so that I can experience all this with Yashna. Amel made me realize that women pull away a lot and they aren't necessarily with other men when they do. They want to live their lives too. Angelica taught me never to trust a woman who gives away her love and emotions so easily. Ashley played a very small part in my life but she pushed me to make the move on Yashna. Yashna taught me a lot of things. She's a good girl. But maybe not necessarily good for me. But you should have been able to stand up yourself a bit more. When emotions get in the way, it might be difficult but you still have to do it. Right now, you have all the time in the world to zone out, relax, feel your shit, control your shit and prepare yourself for the next, best phase of your entire life.

The odds of Yashna coming back to you are very high, almost 80--90%. She might not want to jump into a relationship right away but i'm sure she'll come and talk to you. You have to back off until then. Pull away from her now. Wait and see what Kyle has to say. Deep down you actually knew that this won't work. You should trust your gut next time about anything. Right now my gut tells me that it's not long before Yashna realizes the mistake she's made. She will attempt to lock me down soon. OR she could move on but it's not easy to move on from me. Alcohol is not going to help her, it's only going to make her run away. She's running away and not facing her feelings so that's obviously going to come bite her back at some point. But also it's not my job to fix her. It's on her completely. She didn't want to make this work and I didn't because I assumed she didn't.

I do feel a whole lot better after typing this out. I feel relaxed but I feel very anxious too. I feel like I desperately need to talk to a therapist. Try not to touch your phone for a few days, although wait for what kyle has to say. He knows better than you on how to tackle this situation. Whatever helps you move on. Move on because there's a lot of power in it. It'll make you feel good in a few weeks. Yashna will come back lol don't worry about that. Just focus on what helps you get through this. Sleep a lot, be lazy for a few days but you have to pick yourself up. You deserve 2-3 days of being lazy and getting lost in your thoughts but don't touch instagram or whatsapp for the next 1-2 weeks. Promise me you won't check your phone till tomorrow morning. Just remind Kyle once more today night before sleeping.