Notes

Dear Me,
Why are you so useless? so pathetic. fucking nobody. Why do you complain so much? Why do you trust so easily? You are so fucking dumb. Why are you so weak? So so weak that despite wanting to leave the world, you cannot seem to hurt yourself? Why are you so fucking desperate for attention? Why cant anybody notice you? Why do you always get left out? Why are you so defenseless? Why cant you stand up and say you wanna be with them? Why? Why did you vent to someone you have not even met in real life? Look at where it got you. You are hurt. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY CANT YOU FUCKING BE SOMEONE ELSE? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID? ARE YOU ACTING SO SOOOOOOOOO SAD JUST TO BE NOTICED? I JUST WANT TO BE NOTICED BY MY SO CALLED FRIENDS. WHY AM I LEFT OUT. WHY AM I SO FUCKING STUPID?! I AM A FUCKING MORON WHO MESSES EVERYTHING UP. WHY DO YOU MAKE SUCH HAPPY SCENARIOS THAT YOU KNOW WILL NEVER HAPPEN?! TO WHAT. FUCKING MAKE YOUR EXPECTATIONS HIGHER AND BE DISAPPOINTED IF IT DOES NOT TURN OUT YOUR WAY. WHY DO YOU GET JEALOUS? WHY. FUCKING WHY. WHY DO I TEND TO MESS EVERYTHING UP? MODEL STUDENT? PRETTY? SMART? KIND? FUCK ALL OF THOSE. I AM NEITHER F WHAT YOU CALL ME. IF YOU CALL ME THAT, YOU JUST DONT FUCKING KNOW ME. WHY TRUST THE WRONG PEOPLE? WHY AM I SO FUCKING DESPERATE FOR LOVE? I WANT TO BE APPREACIATED. ATLEAST BY JUST ONE PERSON. CRY OUT LOUD FUCKING BITCH. WHY DO YOU ACT LIKE YOU CAN HANDLE THE PAIN. WHY CANT YOU SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY, WHYARE YOU A DISGRACE? WHY ARE YOU A DISAPPOINTMENT, FUCKING MORON, STUID, DICKHEAD, TWO FACED. EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS A LIE THAT YOU YOURSELF DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU ARE LIKE TOO. I FUCKING LOST INTERESTS. IM SO TIRED IN BEING FORCED AND CONTROLLED IN EVERYTHING? WHY DONT YOU HAVE SOMETHING YOU WANT ANDLIKE?! NOT EVEN A CAREER?! MAYBE FUCKING BECAUSE I DONT LIKE THOSE STUFFS ANYMORE. BECAUSE WHEN I FUCKING SAY I WANT SOMETHING, YOU FUCING DISAGREE. IM FOCUSED ON MY STUDIES NOT BECAUSE FOR MY FUTURE ANYMORE. BUT FOR YOU, MY FUKING SO CALLED PARENTS WHO EXPECTS SOMETHING HIGH OF ME? LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! WHY CANT I CHOOSE MY OWN PATH?! STUDY TO NOT LEARN THINGS BUT JUST TO GET HIGH GRADES SO YOU WONT BE FUCKING DISAPPOINTED. SO YOU WONT BE FUCKING MAD. YOU DUMBASS MORON. WHAT THE FUK DID YOU EXPECT IN TOHE THREE FUCKING NOTIFICATIONS?! SOME PEOPLE TO SAY HI TO YOU? YOUR FRIENDS TO FUCKING GREET YOU AND ASK HOW YOU ARE DOING? WHETER YOU ARE FEELING GREAT OR BAD? OR WORSE? BOBO. THAT NOTIFICATION DOES NOT NECESSARILY EVEN MEAN ANYTHING. AND IT ALSO DOES NOT FUCKING SPECIFY YOU. YOU AREE SO FUCKING NAIVE, A USELESS BITCH. I SAID NOT TO SEND DEATH THREATS BUT IF IT IS TO MYSELF, I HOPE IT WOULD BE OK BEACUSE MY DEAR FUCKING SELF, PLEASE JUST DIE TO STOP THIS OVERTHINKING AND SUFFERING ALREADY. DEAR ME, FUCKING DIE.