Notes

right, lets get into this.

who likes a bit of dark humour? the thing is with dark humour you either like it or dont. you know them snowflakes who will try cancel you for something thats obviously a joke. its to the point of YOU CAN BEFORE HAND SAY ITS A JOKE and they will still think you're personally attacking them. Its always them getting attacked, theyve gotta be the victim. I get it though, when people try and disguise something as a joke but it isnt. thats wrong but the other day i saw an instagram post and it was along the lines of at what point do yo like your toast and it was numbered at different levels of how toasted it was. so i decided to go to the comments being the nosy fucker i am and someone said 3, which was very lightly toasted. I thought what the fuck the butter wouldnt even melt on it. thats not the point but this girl replied saying that its incredibly racist because he is a white male and doesnt like the toast when its dark. yeah, deluded right? for some reason i decided to go onto her account. it was public. and on her story she posted a screenshot of his account saying "cancel this man, he is such a racist" like calm down emily your 400 followers arent gonna ruin his life. so i swiped up and said he only likes his toast semi toasted, in all fairness i over exaggerated the amount of toastedness on it. HE CHOSE 3. and now im currently getting spammed by all of her mates saying how im a white supremacist sticking up for the racists. hold up heres another message now, you disgusting human being, i hope karma one day bites you and leaves you needing help from another race. As long as the other race doesnt pick 3 or lower then theres no problem on my end.

fuckin 3

lets get off that topic, but we will stay on the topic of dark humour. basically when youre a comedian, youve gotta cater to the whole crowd and its quite difficult because you could have that emily who cant stand a single joke and you could have keith who is the biggest racist going. we all know that kind of person or atleast seen them, you know the ones who have about 3 teeth, fully bald and has an england flag hanging out the window. not to mention their name is either keith, steve or nigel, nothing else. i had to throw nigel in cos of farage. ive never seen a politician more racist. but like i said ive got to accomodate to the UKIP supporters. fucking idiots. but i keep rambling, imma go back to the topic, like i said ive got to cater to the whole crowd so im trying to do dark humour for keith but not too dark otherwise emily wont like. but now that i think of it, if its too dark keith wont like it either. you get it? because hes racist.

i dont really watch comedians, i mean i did watch boris during the first lockdown. someone send a man a hairbrush, admittidly my haircut isnt exactly the slickest of things, people actually call me barcode because you could probably scan the fringe at checkout. but i dont watch many comedians ive seen ricky gervais on afterlife and his other things on netflix, ive seen a bit of russell howard but one guy that pisses me off is jimmy carr, like who said that hes funny, he can come up with the occasional funny thing but that doesnt make him a comedian. thats like me sticking a rustlers burger into the microwave and saying im a chef. who the fuck eats rustlers though, wait a minute i know exactly who, fucking keith, but microwaving something doesnt make me a chef and doing my P.E. lessons doesnt make me an athlete, so why is he classed as a comedian. Lee Mack is hilarious though, who knew a man who is mainly known for trying to work out if someones lying could be so funny. like when my mum asks who ate the last digestive and she gives me them looks and i look at her trying to protest the innocence that i havent got, chances are i ate the last 6 but its not my fault they taste so good, but when shes trying to tell if im lying shes like "if you dont tell the truth now boy then ur gonna feel the back of this slipper" and im still trying to protest my innocence. deep down i know she wouldnt do it, but ive gotta fake the lip trembling being like "m m m mum i swear i didnt, i saw abigail eat some earlier though" trying to deflect the blame. by the way abigail is my younger sister so best know its never her fault, she could literally stab me and still have the knife in her hand and my mum will be like "KYLE STOP TRYING TO BLAME YOUR SISTER FOR NOTHING" whilst im just laying on the floor being like "call me an ambulance, im dying" anyone whos a middle child understands that problem, always the one getting blamed. especially because the oldest that apparently "leads by example" like im sorry but if i told you everything i knew about danielle then your going to disown her. but then the youngest child is always innocent, always, no matter what. Thats what pisses me off so much. but if i try go out with my mates and then im backing 5 minutes late, best know she is backing out that slipper. its bullshit man.

none of yous probably know that im actually mildly autistic, dont get me wrong its not a good thing but its not exactly a bad thing either, like the perks that come with it. for example we always got a parking space, i dont have to wear a face mask in public, i still do for mine and others health though. but the best thing is the body analysis, i just naturally read peoples body language. i guess it does kinda make up the fact that most of the time i dont understand sarcasm and im trying to be a comedian but that isnt the point. not to mention even when im messaging someone i can somewhat tell if they're off with me just by the way they're typing. because i just scan everything and keep it stored in my memory the slightest of things brings up a red flag. like when people spell "your" over text with just U R but if they spell it properly when they usually dont my mind clocks that instantly. but yesterday i was preparing to come here, you know just running over my jokes and someone messaged me and it seemed off immediately, so i didnt wanna mention that i had an inkling that something was off