Notes

# The Capri Sun Man #
The tale of the Capri Sun man is one that has lived through the generations in the hearts of many. Parents and Grandparents would tell their sons and daughters this story to remind them to enjoy the delicious taste of Capri Sun. This same story will be read to you, and hopefully you will continue on to the rest of your family and will continue to be passed down as an heirloom.
Long ago lived a man in a quaint cottage. His long wispy beard reached down to his toes, and his mustache curled up around his nose. His cheeks were rosy and his dimples showed his softness. This man however, was no soft fellow. He was born in out-doors and some say he is the distant second-removed cousin of Paul Bunyan. No genetics nor medical records prove this fact; But his physical form shoes this. His muscles were bigger than the mountain he lived under and his legs might has well been two giant semi-trucks. He wore a plaid shirt and always carried around an axe in his trousers. Some walked by his house at night and worry he might come running out screaming. One time, and the cold dusk on Halloween, Two kids walked by to do their usual business of Trick-Or-Treat. Poor old Capri-Sun Man forgot this simple date and ran out; in his underwear’s screaming “INTRUDER” at the top of his lungs. Needless to say the police were involved and he was never allowed to participate in Halloween ever again.
The Capri-Sun man lived under a particularly large mountain; Dunkskai Mountain. Its part of the Jungelai Range in southern Bloon. Streams of water ran down the slopes of the mountain and often brought fresh, clear rainwater right to the Caprisun man. One day, he was returning from a trip from Whole Foods, (He doesn’t support the name-brand, conglomerates such as Walmart or Publix, So in some regards he is quite the hipster, although he doesn’t refer to himself as a hipster for it is too “Mainstream”). His basket was filled with organic fruits straight from the farms in Argentina. He was in quite the gloomy mood after his clerk refused to tell him where the Whole-Grain Chicken was, regardless if that exists or not. He marched up from his SUV and unloaded the fruits from the car, but tripped on his receipt which had conveniently fell to the ground; Causing him to bitch-flip and fall to the ground. The sight was quite stunning; Bananas flew across the yard performing 720 air spins in air. Oranges rolled through the ground and nearly knocked out a poor, helpless chipmunk who had no clue what was going on. Apples, Pineapples and Prunes all exploded in a blast that would be worthy of the “Die Hard” movies. However, little did the Capri-Sun man know that these fruits were chemically engineered by the same conglomerates he so despised and was filled with “Chemical-X”. The fruits landed in the stream, turning it into a very fruity-yellow color. The smell was overwhelming; Attracting hundreds of animals from all over the forest to the stream.
Curious, The Capri-Sun man did what any reasonable human being in his late-forties would do; He drank the yellow water. The taste that erupted from his mouth was so amazing; He decided punching random animals in a fit of glory. He ran quickly to his house and grabbed hundreds of jars to fill them up. Chemical-X has been so powerful that it polluted the whole stream with this new “Flavor”. The Capri-Sun man was now very happy with the end result and began a strategy to market them.
He sat in his house, for hours pondering on what to name this “New” drink. His name was Capricus Sunnicus IV, rightly named by his two lovely parents who now live in Guam. He sat in his study for hours, scratching his head and rubbing his head against the Microwave in hopes that the radio-waves would make him smarter, (Do not attempt this kids; Very dangerous thing to pull off you crazy hooligans). He gave up and threw a picture at the wall, because that’s what all geniuses do before they discover the answer in movies, right? Low and behold, the answer was right in front of him. Behind the picture frame, under the cracked glass was a crayon drawing of him under the sun with the words “CAPRI-SUN” next to it. He gasped and realized. He would call this new drink Capri-Sun!
The flavor was much easier to figure out; Considering he punched fruit for hours after drinking “Capri-Sun”. It was to be called “Fruit Punch” because he is a marketing genius behind those plaid shirts.
He drove his car 50 miles to the nearest WILD headquarters and demanded he sees their manager. The quirky assistant at the counter nearly threatened to call the cops after he dunked his head into the jar yelling, “WORLD STAR” But they managed to see behind his small quirks and more into his ingenious new drink.
The Capri-Sun man drove to the CEO’s house and discussed on whether or not they would accept the new drink. The CEO was hesitant; After learning the Capri-Sun man was partially insane he decided it was best that his intern, Ted, drink it. Ted did so, and jumped back in awe.
“SIR, YOU MUST TRY THIS DRINK” He yelped, running around in loops.
The Capri-Sun laughed to himself; He had won.
Over the course of a few months, The Capri-Sun man had now gone from hipster living in the woods to eccentric billionaire living in the woods. He had won at the game of life.
However, a problem stirred up. The drink was loosing its taste and it wasn’t as good. The factories struggled to make anything of Chemical-X and nearly gave up the brand-line. The Capri-Sun man however, refused this. Millions of kids around the world depended on this drink for sustenance and will not give up on the kids of the world. He ran out the door, to stop by the infamous stream that started it all. The Stream had still retained its taste and never lost its “Hip-Edge”. That’s when a light-bulb shone in Mr. Capri-Sun’s head.
He began a factory near the house, draining the river of the Capri-Sun and packaging the new drink into small pouches. This had ultimately saved the business, and the Capri-Sun mans career.
Now ladies and gentlemen, Boys and Girls, everytime you drink that delicious pouch of Capri-Sun, just remember that it came from a mountain stream in Bloon. And that Mr. Capri-Sun packaged it himself. Enjoy that delicious, fruity drink of Capri-Sun.

_Not Endorsed nor Sponsored by Caprisun_
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