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everything i say is just wrong i just sit at my phone waiting for someone to message me and actually like me i dont know if its because i have a fear of everyone leaving me but one day people will leave and im okay with that its just the fact i read something then i think of the worst of it and i say it and people just say "now you know what i mean" and im probably over thinking that too i just miss meeting people and having friends but as soon as i have friends they leave me i dont know if its because im too dramatic or im sad or im lonely but everything i say gets shared it makes me cry but i get made fun of for crying or writing in my notes but so much has happend. my notes helps me get my feelings out while i listen to music because i cant talk to anyone and i need to get away. sometimes when i cry for hours ill think about hurting myself to just be the last cry but then people think im a chore to deal with i need to leave this house the school my whole life i just wanna leave it but i cant you just have to pick up on what everyone says and move on i hate being around people who dont understand what goes on in my head and just nit pic at it i just want someone who doesnt make me cry or a group that doesnt make me feel like theyre going to leave me i wont show this note to anyone because im afraid of being judged i wanna be the funny person and the smart one but beggers cant be choosers right sometimes its good to let people go they teach you lessons in life and it isnt the end of the world but to me my life fell into my hands which is a bad thing i wanna be happy and in love and have a perfect life but you know fuck it thats the boring way to live no one learns from that its the easy way and i always have to learn the hard way

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