Notes

sorry im just really depressed right now because my mom took me out of school to volunteer at her work, its a daycare and i hate kids, like literally hate them and my mom says that im done school and i cant ever come back because she thinks im going to skip class again, im passing two classes and one is an extremely easy class which is cooking class and then i have math and i have a 50 in it and my lowest mark is a 0 and i just feel like complete shit, my mom's daycare is right between a bridge and a train, and ive been thinking alot about ending my life, i told her to put me into a hospital or something because i know im going to do something bad and she said 'you know sometimes i feel like being in a mental hospital too but then i get over it' and she doesnt believe me and all ive ever did was skip school because i hate the people in there they always stare at me and make puking sounds whenever i walk near them, my bestfriend just told the whole class that i said to go kill herself, and only my other friend believes me. i didnt do anything and im so pathetic i dont even have the strength to cut myself or do anything i would do to cope with this, i bit my lip and tongue so hard today because i was mad it started to bleed and my mouth hurts, im only 15 and i have thought about killing myself ever since i turned 15. im crying in real life and im talking to someone else but they dont really care and my ex boyfriend is skyping me but i think he fell asleep and i just feel so isolated, i use to get a feeling where i would sit in a corner and feel myself get disconnected from life, but now i feel it every day, every minute, i feel like a ghost and i will only get the attention i deserve is when i finally just end it all. im deciding if i should jump infront of the train, or the bridge, the train is closer but i dont know when it passes and the bridge is alot farther and closer to more people and i dont want anyone to see me when i jump, i found like 30 razor blades in my dads garage and i stole some so i was just thinking of using those, but im too pathetic to even do anything and i just want to cry and disappear, im sorry this is a waste of time but your the only person that cares about me