Notes

I'm sorry to come across you like this. As you read these, there will be sad ones, suffering ones, maybe even happy ones, but this was the last right choice I could make in this life. Maybe I can't do that either, but at least I wanted to write down what I felt for the last time. Because I'm so tired; I'm so tired of pretending, trying to show that everything is okay, seeing how others are holding on to life and trying to try them, everything I've been through in the last few months. I don't expect you to feel sorry or have a pity on me. You don't even need to look for a logic under these posts. I don't present myself as a perfectly good person either. I know there are a ton of people I've hurt intentionally or unintentionally. Of course, I made mistakes, just like what was done to me. If it still means anything, forgive me if I hurt you. I couldn't forgive you, I really tried but I couldn't. I don't know some of you really deserved it, some of you didn't, but even if you don't accept my apology, accept my thanks because you taught me what is important to me in life; Thanks to you, I learned what I felt sorry for, what I wanted to forgive, and why I compromised myself. Maybe I still say that out of hope for some things, I don't know.
I wasn't happy, I couldn't be happy for a long time. You may have said that I couldn't try, I really tried. Believe me, I tried to be happy, to have a stable life, to enjoy the simple things like other people, to make a fake life and pretend I had a pretty good life. My life isn't all chaos, either. There are so many things I am grateful for for what I have. But I can no longer continue. I already had a simple life, it was pretty obvious what made me happy. So if you ask me what's the matter, maybe I'm in this situation because I've been looking for shit under every good thing that's happened to me, and of course, good things come with worse things. I'm so bored and even as I write this, my hate is increasing. Anyway, some of them really enjoy this life, some of them pretend and manage somehow, some just can't go on like me. Even this situation alone shows that life is not a place worth living for me. There's no point in prolonging it.
Thanks everyone for showing me the realities of life (good and bad). Don't worry about those who hurt me because I don't forgive you, because I don't care. I'm making a final playlist for everyone in my life. At least these songs didn't leave me alone like you. :D
Also, thanks to 3642, who taught me amazing feelings that I've never felt before in my life. Maybe life would be a worthwhile place for me if everything stayed as it was at the beginning.

#fam,sis,3642,friends,istanbul,manisa,izmir,uni,cig,songs# ~y